...while wondering what ever happened to Doug Willams

Is this a great life or what? Boston openly tanks the last third of their season in an effort to increase their chances of getting the number one pick in the NBA draft, finishes with the second-worst record in the league and then drops to fifth when the ping pong balls fly. Ha! Take that, C-Men. (c'mon, we're more clever than that) (wait! who the hell was that, King Kong?) Anyway, to top it off, the Hawks move up from four to three, meaning they and not the Phoenix Suns get to keep the pick. Dallas, San Antonio, Denver et al hereby thank the basketball gods...Did you feel that? It was Panic! at the Disco falling off the planet...So Dallas has been awarded Super Bowl XLV. So can we get all of the, "Cowboys getting to a Super Bowl" jokes out of the way like, in the next week or so? Because they're going to get really old, really fast, especially for us non-'pokes fans...Idiot of the week goes to James Randy Moss, a Tennessee State Trooper, who pulled porn star Barbie Cummings over for speeding, found drugs in the car and let her go in exchange for a little roadside oral servicing. One problem -- cop cars have video cameras now. Oops...We've got love for our environment here at Scatttershooting and give big props to Dallas and the N-Y-C for their actions this week. First Dallas, which has a really nice skyline, is considering an ordinance whereby virtually all unnecessary lighting in the city will be doused from 2am-6pm daily. According to the proposed ordinance, all "decorative lighting, such as lighting that illuminates or outlines a building's facades", lighting on fountains, sculptures, flagpoles, landscape and business signs would be included in the prohibition. Coolest part? When we stumble out of a bar at closing time, we'll no longer have that harsh Gremlin-like reaction to the bright lights. And up in New York it was announced that by 2012 all 300-kajillion of the city's taxicabs must be hybrids. Now if we can combine this with a one-hour mandated daily period of silence in Washington, DC, greenhouse gases could be cut by 90%...This week’s Yahoo Four-Star songs:

1) Nino Rota Sicilian Pastorale The Godfather Soundtrack 1972
2) Shop Boyz Party Like a Rock Star None 2007
3) Billy Joel Opus 10, Air (Dublinesque) Fantasies & Delusions 2001
4) Fountains of Wayne Someone to Love Traffic and Weather 2007
5) Warren Zevon Join Me in L.A. Warren Zevon 1976

OK, we have a long-standing, well-documented hatred of American Idol. But, much like the milk in the back of the fridge that we just know is bad but can’t help smelling, we flipped over to the finale this week while what we were really watching was on commercial break. A few observations: Bette Midler does not need to be singing in public. Ever. Honestly, her rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings was like a bad drag show karaoke contest. So we quickly switched away. We go back and Reuben Studdard walks onstage. Dude – brother was sweating like a stuck pig. And he had literally just walked onstage. We stuck around because we were absolutely convinced he was going to drop dead at any second. He didn’t. We caught about 30 seconds of Kelly Clarkson, proving yet again she is an anomaly – someone on the show who actually has talent. We also caught a glimpse of Carrie Underwood. Girl needs to cover up those knees. From head to thigh a total hottie. You get to the knees and it’s all over. What was she, a football player? Taylor Hicks looked like he was having a stroke while singing, and there was something called a Sanjaya on. Finally, we saw Paula. We had heard she broke her nose tripping over her dog. She looked fine to us. Steve Nash sure could have used her corner man…The Stanley Cup Finals are set to begin and since our luck (and it is just that) appears to be changing, we’re going to actually provide detailed analysis to back up our prediction. We’re torn here by two powerful forces: our inherent Canadian envy and the Uniform Theory. On one hand, the Ottawa Senators. And expansion team (we don’t count a team as established until they’ve been around for 20 years) who has paid their dues and built the right way. In a city that nobody remembers is the capital of Canada. (sorry, Toronto). Plus, they are one of the teams that makes us love hockey owners above all. A few years back, they drafted Alexi Yashin, who decided he didn’t want to play for the Sens. So they – let him sit. Two years. Then, when their rights expired and he went back into the pool, they drafted him again. He signed. We can’t put into words how much we love owners with ball like that. Meanwhile, the Ducks are one of the few “new” teams in the United States that aren’t the result of a Canadian defection. They are locally-owned by a conscientious couple who, as one of their first acts put everything on the table for review, including the ridiculous “Mighty Ducks of Anaheim” name. (OK, nothing can be as bad as the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim", but still). They ended up as simply the Ducks and after knocking on the door for a while, they too are in their first Finals – in the season they changed their uniforms. The uniform factor is a hard one to ignore. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers went from this to this and won a Super Bowl. The Cincinnati Bengals went from this to this and went to two Super Bowls. The Dallas Mavericks went from this to this and became a perennial title contender. Hell, across the Ducks’ own parking lot, the Angels went from this to this and won a World Series. And it works in reverse, too. The Indiana Pacers of these years were regular visitors to the postseason and occasional legitimate contenders. Since this happened, they’re Indy .500. So while our heart will be in Ottawa, we thing Lord Stanley will be moving to Southern California. Anaheim in Seven…So Congress finally got their act together and passed funding for the war that did not include any deadlines for pulling out. That’s a good thing. Putting an artificial deadline on things only endangers lives and emboldens the enemy. This was a good veto by the president that produced a bill that makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is Bush’s comments afterward. General David Petraeus, the top dog in Iraq, has promised to give a full progress report to Congress in September. Again, this is a good thing. Said our president, “It could make August a tough month, because, you see, what they’re going to try to do is kill as many innocent people as they can to try to influence the debate here at home.” Huh? Let me get this right – if I am an al-Queda terrorist and I know the United States Congress is going to be taking a look at things in September, I’m going to show my ass and give more credibility to those who want to stay? No. What I will do is lie low in June, July and August, giving a false sense of security, wait for the Americans to leave, then go bad on everyone. Whether that will happen or not is not the point. The real problem is that we have as president a man who uses fundamentally (no pun intended) flawed logic on a regular basis. While he appears to be on the right track in terms of going all or nothing – if we’re already over there, we might as well flood the place with troops and do it right – statements like the one above lead one to honestly question whether he has the intellectual capacity to grasp the intricacies of the situation…As we approach Memorial Day, let us remember, whether we support the cause or not, that our brothers and sisters are putting themselves in harm’s way for what they believe in. Many will die. Many have. And the courage it takes to set foot on that plane, train or boat – the one that will take you into combat – is something we can all admire. Happy Memorial Day, and God bless.

Until next time,
Paz

Whay does he keep showing up when we google completely unrelated items? (celtics draft lottery 2007) gets you that? How? And this -- got to http://www.google.com/ . Click on Images. Type in NYC. What the hell is that first one? (if you're too lazy, it's this) oooook. Too funny to comment on -- this.

...while wondering what ever happened to Donna Dixon

Not too much new in our world this week, so we're going to dump the Fodder file and break out a new feature. Then we'll cap it off with our NBA end of the season awards. Onward...Longtime reader Billyrob reports recent scattershot target Wendie Jo Sperber spotted in LA taking the dirt nap. Damn. We always kinda had a thing for her...Just in from the We're Not Alone in our Castigation department, thse gems from one of our faves, espn.com's Bill Simmons, throwing down a double-slam, about three days after we came down on LeBust and Vince the Malingerer: "If LeBron James is the future of the NBA, sign me up for a different professional basketball league, please. Did you see him lick that giant stamperoo and stick it on Game 5? I kept expecting to see him break out his Blackberry while other players were shooting free throws and start texting his friends things like, 'What time is the Guts game in my hotel room tonight?' If he doesn't slap up a 42-12-13 tonight in New Jersey, I give up. [he didn't] Show us you care, Bron-Bron. Give us a little taste." and "Also, you know how TNT splices trailers for Hollywood movies with NBA action? Why couldn't they splice the 'Heartland' commercial so Treat Williams is talking to Lawrence Frank about Vince Carter? 'I just want you to know, if any heart becomes available tonight, I'll make it work for Vince. I promise you.'" Good stuff...Peeking into the Fodder file, that abyss of random shreds of senselessness that we set aside, intending to use but never find a way to work into the blog, we find a whole lotta garbage. There's a reason this stuff wasn't used. But we can salvage a few bits. For those of you who hate female sideline reporters, this observation, courtesy of a random guy in Cleveland, "I don't know how you could say the NBA playoffs would be the same without sideline reporters. For instance, at the beginning of the second quarter of Game 5 of the Cavs-Nets series, TNT's sideline reporter observed that the Cavs had already committed five turnovers. 'At that pace,' she noted, 'they would finish the game with 20.' And you know what? She's right! I checked! This woman is like some kind of human abacus. How could I hope to understand the game without real-time statistical analysis like that? We stand corrected...Also from the Fodfile, the most brutally honest assessment of the home team ever written by a writer west of, well, West Philly, comes from The Dallas Morning News' Tim Collishaw, who in the wake of the Mavericks' first-round flameout wrote, "Until the end of time, the 2007 Mavericks will be known as one of the softest teams in professional sports. A team devoid of character and heart, when it mattered most. It's a fitting moniker that starts with their best player. " Day-um!...Since we know you're just hanging on every bit of pop culture we can lay on you, in a new feature, we're going to list five current 4-star songs on our Yahoo radio station. When possible, we'll hyperlink in either an audio or video clip; when not, you'll have to work for it. Because we know you care.

Artist Song Album Year
1. The Flaming Lips Mr. Ambulance Driver At War with the Mystics 2006
2. Ernie Halter And So it Goes Congress Hotel 2007
3. Billy Joel All My Life 2007
4. Ludacris Slap Release Therapy 2006
5. War The World is a Ghetto The World is a Ghetto 1972

...Well, it looks like our rally-killing abilities are faltering. The Ottawa Senators are going to the Stanley Cup Finals and the Anaheim Ducks are up 3-2 on the Red Wings, setting up a potential all-expansion team Finals. If this holds up, we'll go with Ottawa in the Finals, in seven. More on that next week. In the NBA, our tongue lashing of Cleveland and Detroit worked, as both advanced. And of course our pulling for the Warriors led to their five-game demise. That's what they get for leaving Philly, although it was one of the closest 4-1 series we've seen. As for the Conference Finals:

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS:

(1) Detroit Pised-ons vs (2) Cleveland Cadavers

We really wish there was something -- anything of interest to impart about this series. There is nothing to analyze. Even Flip Saunders can't blow this one.

Detroit in Four

(3) San Antonio Spurs vs (4) Utah Jazz

Tim Duncan after Stu Jackson essential gave them the series versus Phoenix by suspending Amare and Boris: "look what I found".

Andre Kirilenko after the seeding gods give them the Rockettes in the first round and, inexplicably, the world-beating Warriors in round two: "look what I found".

Yes, this is a matchup of two teams that don't really deserve to be here. They'd better make the most of it, because the Spurs are getting old and the Mavs and Suns will be pissed next year.

That being said, this won't be a very entertaining series. Jerry Sloan is good for one win, but that'll be about it. Which completely ruins our Utah-Detroit DJ Jazzy Jeff vs. the Fresh Prince theme.

San Antonio in Five

And now, our end of the season NBA awards, along with our preseason picks, who we voted for in the end, and the actual winners:

Rookie of the Year: LeMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trail Blazers -- who promptly got hurt.
who we voted for: Brandon Roy, Portland Trail Blazers
who won: Roy

Coach of the Year: We don't make a preseason pick
who we voted for: Avery Johnson, Dallas Mavericks
who won: Sam Mitchell, Toronto Raptors

Sixth Man: No pick
who we voted for: Leandro Barbosa, Phoenix Suns
who won: Barbosa

Most Improved : No pick
who we voted for: Kevin Martin, Sacramento Kings
who won: Monta Ellis, Golden State Warriors

Defensive Player of the Year: No pick
who we voted for: Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns
who won: Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets

Executive of the Year: No pick
who we voted for: Bryan Colangelo, (it's his daughter -- hey, you try finding a pithy pun for
'Colangelo'), Toronto Raptors
(for his work here AND in the rape of Atlanta that is still paying dividends
for his former employer, the Suns)
who won: Colangelo, (the other daughter) though there was no mention of rape in the press release.

Most Valuable Player: No pick
who we voted for: Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
who won: Nowitzki

Until next time,

Paz

And no, we won't EVEN go into what came up when googling Pissed-on.

...while wondering what ever happened to Wendy Jo Sperber

So the Texas Rangers and Tampa Bay Devil Rays played their series this week in Orlando -- at a minor league park. Sometimes this shit just writes itself...You've got to like a challenge. Rich crazy guy T. Boone Pickens this week donated $50 Million to the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas, with one hitch: UTSW cannot touch any of it until they turn it into $500 Million, and they have 25 years to do it. If they fall short, they get the 50 Mil, but anything they made above it, they must then re-donate to the University of Oklahoma. Wasn't T. Boone one of the old guys in Trading Places?...Big props to the unnamed dude in Japan that left his kid at a drop box. The country recently introduced drop boxes, which presumably are checked fairly often, where parents can leave unwanted infants, much like people here can do so at the local fire station. Why are we giving the guy kudos? His kid was five. C'mon, like you've never threatened your kid/nephew/annoying Dennis the Menace-like neighbor boy with the very same thing. The clipping is posted prominently on the fridge for our 14 year-old to see. And fear...Speaking of fun with babies, Idiot of the Week goes to Joshua Mauldin of Arkansas, who nuked his two-month-old daughter in the microwave. Dude -- kids get gummy in the microwave; next time use the toaster oven -- or. (By the by, kid lived and is recovering in the hospital)...The Phoenix Suns got screwed. Robert Horry goes all NHL on Steve Nash, two Suns leave the bench, are stopped well short of the potential fracas and thy get suspended for a critical Game Five. Yes, they left the bench, but the rule reads that a player will be suspended a game if they, "leave the immediate vicinity of the bench", during an on-court confrontation. There was wiggle room there and the league should have used it to spare Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw. With the atrocious nature of the officiating as a whole during this season's playoffs, it's not like David Stern is protecting the integrity of the game by treating the Suns so harshly. What a shame that something like this could very well decide the NBA Championship -- because whoever wins this series is going to win it all. (this from the folks who brought you the Dallas Mavericks Victory Parade Committee)...And could LeBron James be any more a dog? I mean dude -- you're supposed to be The Man. Of the whole league. And you go ghost for two consecutive elimination games. Yuck...And we say it again -- Flip Saunders is the worst coach in the NBA. The guy is horrible. The Pistons go up 3-0 and he doesn't have his team ready for the closeout in Game Four. OK, the Bulls are no pushover; they're due at least one. But to then get waxed in Game Five? We figured Flip the Rally-killer wouldn't show up until June, but don't be shocked if Detroit gets run by the Bulls. (we did it again, didn't we?)...Bigger props to Stacy Rojas of Dallas, who suffered a brain aneurysm over the Easter weekend and hung out on life support until last weekend so she could give birth to her daughter. Dad and kid are fine and mom donated all her organs, too...Bubba Ludwig, of Chicago, was issued a gun permit this week. Bubba is a ten-month old boy. Dad won't be leaving that kid at the fire house...Hey Jerry, whose fault was it this time? Feminists, gays, Teletubbies? You won't be missed...So Farmers Branch, Texas has officially passed an ordinance making it illegal to rent an apartment to an illegal alien. And of course, all hell is breaking loose. Now here at Scattershooting we have a long-standing, well-documented position on immigration. In short, if you can pass a background check and will get a job, come on in. But if you are here illegally, then by definition shouldn't renting you an apartment be illegal also? How is this not logical? It is not racist. If our white neighbor was on the lam and we rented him the garage apartment, we'd be breaking the law -- it's called harboring a fugitive. This is no different. Now, if you want to change the laws -- and we do -- to ones more favorable to potential legal immigrants, then so be it. But the law is the law. If you're here illegally, you should not be able to get a job, a home or anything else that every single legal person in this country does not already have. Until that time, go back and come in the right way...So the VA is cutting our medical benefits because of a $1.3 Billion budget shortfall, yet found over $11 Million in bonuses for the bigwigs. Nice. Isn't it interesting that when the Vice President of the United States recently had heart problems, he didn't go to Walter Reed VA Medical Center? Must just be a coincidence...Let's get our disappointment out of the way early. ABC will be debuting a new comedy in the fall, based on the Geico Cavemen. There's no way this thing lives up to our expectations...And finally, congratulations to Dirk Nowitzki on his selection as NBA MVP. Now that the major awards are all out, we'll review our pre-season picks, update them with our final ballot and compare to the actual winners, next week.

Until then,
Paz

OK, in another 'what the hell is this' search, when googling "Dennis Rodman baby" in an effort to find a cute little freak to hyperlink above, we found -- and we warn you in advance that it5 is very disturbing -- this. Warned you.

...while wondering what ever happened to Roberto Duran

So St. Louis Cardinals' pitcher Josh Hancock got drunk, got into his car, decided it was a good idea to strike up a conversation on his cell phone, wrapped himself around a tree an died. At age 29, this would qualify as a tragic, stupid, needless loss of life. We do not dispute that. But the Cardinals canceling their game the next night against the Chicago Cubs? Why? This is reminiscent of something that really bothered us in the wake of the September 11 terrorist attacks. Major League Baseball shut it down for a week or so, saying that it "wouldn't be appropriate" to play games in such a time. Now, these are the same people that defend every act of greed, petulance and arrogance with the mantra, "it's a business". Well, in September of 2001, employed at a hotel --"a business", our ass was right there working on the 12th. And we guarantee you if the guy in the cube next door croaks tonight, we'll be expected to be right here tomorrow morning. And we'll have to do his work, too! So don't tell us it wouldn't be appropriate for you to do your freaking job!...But the big question is this: what's harder to keep in stock, Cardinals pitchers or New Jersey Governors?...Speaking of dead athletes, enough already about Pat Tillman. Guy walks away from millions in the NFL and joins the army. Gets sent to Iraq, gets killed. Hero. OK, we get it. Well, turns out the guy was killed by friendly fire. That's sad. But ya know, when you go to a war, you just might die. And in the end, dead is dead. Now the family is flipping out because they were originally told a different story -- that Tillman died in a heroic standoff with fire-breathing ambushers. Apparently the government lied. Ya think? So what? Would it have made it somehow better knowing that he was shot by Alan and not Achmed? Of course not. And if a fake story of heroism can lift the spirits of other people fighting and dying in a foreign desert, wouldn't you want him to be a part of that? These are the same family members who went out of their way to tell the story of their hero son. Hate to tell you folks, they are all heroes. It's sad that Tillman died. And it's sad that Jessica Lynch got captured and held prisoner. Now name for us the black guy that was captured with her. We didn't think so...Now, we were all set to give big props to Versus (formerly the Outdoor Life Channel) for their superb coverage of the NHL playoffs. Then they did something that we're still trying to believe happened -- and we saw it. On Monday night, they replayed the Ray "Boom-Boom" Mancini/Duk-Koo Kim fight, from 1982. That's the fight where Mancini killed Kim. Literally. After 10 rounds, the fight was even on most scorecards. Mancini began to pull ahead over the next three rounds, finally knocking Kim down in the 14th. Kim rose, but the fight was immediately stopped. Shortly thereafter, Kim collapsed. He never regained consciousness. He was 23 years old. A year later, the fight's referee, Richard Greene, killed himself. Three months later, Kim's mother did the same. And while Duk-Koo Kim's death resulted in some major changes in the way boxing matches were handled, (reduction from 15 to 12-round bouts, mandatory and standing eight counts and more in-depth pre-fight medical examinations most notably), what the hell was it doing on television 25 years later? An appalling programing choice...This just in from the "'At'll teach 'em" Department, Jeremy Zmolek, 47, of Dallas was arrested this week for shooting a 15 year old boy in the leg with a pellet gun. According to police, several teens were loitering outside Zmolek's house when he asked why they weren't at school. The kids responded cursing and -- we love this -- asking why he wasn't at work. So he shot at them. We hope he gets off...Musical Review of the week found us attending two concerts last week: Billy Joel in Oklahoma City and Gwen Stefani in Dallas. You know what we thought of the Billy show. As for Gwen, we took the scatterkid and two of her friends. We thought we'd be in hell. And when something called Lady Sovereign opened the show, we were convinced. But then we listened to her and she wasn't half bad. We could have done without our 14 year-old daughter jumping up and down singing the chorus to, "Fuck You". But other than that, we survived it. Next up was Akon and, amazingly, we recognized like five songs. And liked them. Apparently he's had some scrapes with trouble lately and lost a sponsor. So he took the money they paid him for the show -- the last of the deal -- and tossed it into the crowd. (Can you say inciting a riot). Fortunately it was too damned hot and humid for anyone to have the energy to fight for it. Eventually, Gwen came on and played for about an hour and a half. The interludes between songs went a little too long, presumeably to accommodate costume changes, to the point that the break between the show proper and the encore was not very distinguishable from others. And in an odd sequencing, she left none of her hits for the encore, which consisted of two songs. While she played none of the No Doubt material, what she did play was well sung, her band was very versatile and her demeanor engaging. And with a ticket price of sixteen bucks, it was definitely a value as concert season ramps up. If you have a free night and are a passing fan or more, we recommend the "Sweet Escape" tour...Last time out, we pledged our devotion to the Dallas Stars and New York Islanders. Who promptly went out and got beat in the first round. So just for shits and giggles, here are our second round choices -- based in no way on the actual abilities of the teams or their players who we cannot name: New York Rangers over Buffalo Sabres because Madison Square Garden retired Billy Joel's number. Seriously. (Buffalo won in 6); Ottawa Senators over New Jersey Devils because we always pull for the Canadians. (Ottawa won in 5); San Jose Sharks over Detroit Red Wings because despite how limited out hockey knowledge is, we know enough to hate Detroit. (Detroit won in 6); Vancouver Canucks over Anaheim Ducks because we always pull for the Canadians (Anaheim won in 5). With the exception of the Senators, our futility remains unblemished. We're 1-5. In the Conference finals, our picks are Ottawa and Anaheim (eventually the New Uniform Rule has to take over)...And finally, the NBA. While we had to wait for all the first-round series to be over before publishing and as a result the second round has already started, all analysis was written before any of the series tipped off.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

(1) Detroit Pistons vs (5) Chicago Bulls

Both teams took care of business in the first round, thrashing weaker teams. One would have thought going in that Chicago may have had the tougher out, facing the defending Champions (we picked Miami in 7), but the Heat looked so old, slow and just flat-out bad that the series is probably not a good measure of their ability. This series will come down to a simple equation: which disparity is greater -- the Detroit's talent edge or their horrid coach? While Flip will do nothing to help the Pistons win this series, the talent is there to win this one. But it will not be in a walk.
Detroit in 6

(2) Cleveland Cavaliers vs (6) Brooklyn Nets

Yuck. Cleveland continues to play down to the level of its competition. But at times they also can play up to it as well. The Nets beat a better team in Toronto than the Cavs did in the WNBA-caliber Wizards. There is just no way to pick this dreck. So, not because it's a clash of titans, but because they are both so uninspiring, we'll say it'll be a long series.
New Jersey in 7

WESTERN CONFERENCE

(8) Golden State Warriors vs (4) Utah Jazz

Wow. The Warriors beat down a 67-win team and it didn't even look close. It went six, but in reality, if not for a miracle comeback -- after blowing a 22-point lead -- in Game 5, the series would have ended right then and there. The W's were better in every facet of the game and are not a team to be taken lightly going forward. Utah had to go seven to beat a very mediocre Rockets squad. (look at the guy leering in the background -- classic). This series will be an interesting match up of coaching strategies. Unless Utah comes out in Game 1 and smacks Golden State down, shaking their confidence, the Warriors could very well find themselves in the Western Conference Finals.
Golden State in 6

(2) Phoenix Suns vs (3) San Antonio Spurs.

Wow. A fantastic series. And no Mavericks on the horizon for the winner. Every game in this series will come down to the wire. The Suns are younger, more athletic and deeper than San Antonio. The Spurs have better coaching and all those rings. Game 7 is in the desert though.
Phoenix in 7

Correction: This is Earl Cureton. This is not. Oops...and Finally, ok, this isn't a member of the Rockets' dance squad, but when we went looking, we found this. Damn!

Until next time,
Paz

We're Back

Hyperlinks are woking again, so here's a repost of the "...while wondering what ever happened to Earl Cureton" post that was temporarilly relocated to blogster.com.

How did we miss this? When opening the last entry with Don Imus' "nappy-haired hos", we missed the biggest Ho of them all. It took the guy dying for us to remember him. Me thinks we're slipping. Ah Don, we hardly knew ye. No pun intended...Speaking of Imus, things shook out pretty much how we called it: sponsors fled, ratings (would have) tanked and he got the boot. Oh well...There's nothing we can say about Virginia Tech that will be new or particularly insightful. It was a horrible incident but, sadly, pretty symptomatic of the society we live in. After reading the first few accounts on the day of, we've enacted our usual boycott of all media sensationalism of the shootings, so we're probably fairly ignorant about all of the facts. Still, like OJ, we couldn't completely avoid it. What strikes us is this: if mental illness was treated in this country the same as any other physical illness, maybe this guy would have gotten the help he needed...Line of the Week goes to one of our faves, espn.com's Bill Simmons who, when describing Chris Webber's "miraculous" turnaround since forcing a midseason buyout in Philadelphia and signing with the Pistons, "Watching C-Webb in Detroit has been like watching the last scene in The Usual Suspects for three straight months; all that was missing was [Sixers GM] Billy King dropping a coffee mug in slow motion". Classic...We would have loved to have seen Tin Duncan accept Joey Crawford's challenge to a fight, if only for selfish reasons. Our money would've been on the 64 year-old Crawford putting Timmy in hospital for the duration of the NBA playoffs...Fan of the Week goes to this kid at Oakland's Oracle Arena Tuesday night, with the Warriors on the cusp of their first post-season berth since 1994...Speaking of the Warriors, Simmons also slams the Pacers for their part in picking up Golden State's flotsam in a midseason trade he calls the worst of the season (we agree), saying, "The lesson, as always: Anytime you're considering a six-player NBA trade in which you end up with both overpaid white guys in the deal -- you might want to rethink that baby...How could the Supreme Court do this? I mean, it's now actually illegal to pull a baby halfway out of the womb and kill it? Imagine that! Look, if the kid can reach out and try to fight off the implements you're using, while simultaneously trying to crawl back inside to get away from you, that is not an abortion. It is a murder. Anyone who does not see that is so far out on the lunatic fringe of this issue that noting anyone says to them will matter. Do we think a provision whereby the life -- not health, but life -- of the mother should be facotred in? Yes. If it comes down to mom or kid making it, we'll let mom make that call. But that's as far as we'll go...Bumper Sticker of the Week: "Be Nice to America -- or We'll Bring Democracy to Your Country"...On to the Preview:


The Beautiful Season is upon us, and there are some intriguing matchuups in the first round -- Nellie vs the Mavs, Kobe vs Steve in a rematch of last year's seven-game first round thriller, an intriguing 4-5 matchup. And oh yeah, there are eight teams in the East playing, also. We'll start there, although it's like picking not who is going to win, but who won't lose.

EASTERN CONFERENCE
We had Milwaukee and Indiana in, with Toronto and Orlando out, but we hit on the other six.

(1) Detroit Pistons vs (8) Orlando Magic
Grant Hill and Darko return to the Palace in an attemot to become the first 8 seed to win a seven game series. Don't count on it. Orlando's too young and Detroit, despite their CBA-caliber coach, are just too good.
Detroit in 5

(2) Cleveland Cavaliers vs (7) Washingotn Wizards
Washington was vastly overrated even before Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler went down. Now? They won't even compete. Still, we're not sold on anyone other than LeBron, so it won't be a sweep. And the Cavs should be ashamed.
Cleveland in 5

(3) Toronto Raptors vs (6) Brooklyn Nets
We thought going into the season that surely Sam Mitchell would be fired, Jerry Colangelo would replace him with a quality replacement and the Raps would start sniffing the postseason next season. They're a year ahead -- with Mitchell. (don't be shocked to see him canned anyway, in favor of Rick Carlisle).
The Nets are just bad. They have a few decent pieces, but none of them have an ounce of heart. When your two cornerstones are Jason the wife-beater and Vince the malingerer, you're not in good shape. Look for Toronto to finally seek vengence for the way Carter mailed it in on them a few years ago.
Toronto in 6

(4) Miami Heat vs (5) Chicago Bulls
We'd love to see Miami go to the Finals, so our beloved Mavs can exact revenge. And they just might, but not because we believe in them. We just don't believe in anyone else.
Take the Bulls. Please. They have talent, youth, and absolutely maniacaly-devoted head coach. But on the last night of the season, with their destiny in their own hands, they coughed up the number two seed, losing to the Nets by nine.
Miami in 7

Honestly though, we would not be at all surprised to see any of these teams win their first round series. Flip Saunders is enough to cost Detroit their series; Brooklyn's been to two Finals and has it in them to upset the Dinosaurs; The Bulls can certainly run (we couldn't resist) the Heat out of the post-season and the Wizards...ok, we can't see any team winning, though we're convinced Cleveland is sending LeBron James and the Airport High School junior varsity girls basketball team out there.


WESTERN CONFERENCE
We had Minnesota and the Clippers in, with Utah and the Lake Show missing out. But again, we had the other six correct. Could there be a bigger dissapointment than Kevin Garnett? I mean, he has made it out of the first round once on his career. Once. I don't care who's around him. Can you see Kobe doing that? I didn't think so.

(1) Dallas Mavericks vs (8) Golden State Warriors
Does Nellie have enough hate in him to make for a win or two? Yes. Do the W's have enough talent to make for another? Yes. Could they conceivably match their regular season sweep of the mighty Mavs? Conceivably. Will any of this happen?
Since June of last year, the Mavs' sole focus has been returning to the Finals and finishing the job they apparently thought only took two and three-quarters games to accomplish. They have been focused and fearsome since the first tip in October. While an interesting opening round opponent, there is no way they lose this series.
Dallas in 5

(2) Phoenix Suns vs (7) Los Angeles Lakers
The Lakers are limping into the postseason at 4-6 in their last 10. Phoenix is 7-3, even after they were locked into the two seed. Forget Nash for a moment, Shawn Marion is a monster. So is Stoudemire. The Suns are just a deeper, more polished team.
But the Lakers have Kobe. And he is a bad man. Also, now that he has actually rebuilt a team from the ashes and not just inherrited a winner, we can give props to Phil as well. They will give Phoenix a very good run, but in the end, they just won't have enough.
Phoenix in 6

(3) San Antonio Spurs vs (6) Denver Nuggets
Beware the Nuggets. That's the buzz around the league. 9-1 in their last 10, AI and 'Mello finally clicking. Old guys from Texas playing in the thin mile-high air. All the elements of an upset are in place.
In the immortal words of Flava Flav, don't believe the hype. Duncan, Parker and Gianobili are more than ready to show they're not washed up just yet and Greg Popovic is quietly one of the best ever at getting the most from the guys he's leading.
San Antonio in 6

(4) Utah Jazz vs (5) Houston Rockets
The fact that Utah is even here is a testament to the amazing rebuilding job Jerry Sloan and co. have done since the departure of StocktontoMalone. The fact that they hobbled to the finish line at a 4-6 clip, while becoming the first team in league history to blow home court to a lower-seeded team is a testament to their youth.
The Rockets are an intriguing team, but there's just something missing there. They have enough to get out of the first round, but don't expect much else.
Houston in 5

Sit back, enjoy the games and be gentle when it turns out we missed on most of our picks.
Until next time,
Paz