...while wondering what ever happened to Danny Ozark

We just couldn't help ourselves a few weeks back when it came to choosing a hyper-link for the collapse of a Major League Baseball team. Here's hoping Karma took the day off. Gene Mauch, dead at 79...Also dead, our favorite Canadian. Ah Peter, we hardly knew ye...And completing the medical report, former South Carolina governor, would-be presidential candidate and regular target of our pre-internet-era, 'letter to the editor' attacks, Carroll Campbell was admitted to a nursing home this week, six years after disclosing he suffers from Alzheimer's disease. He was only 59 at time...Congratulations to Ray Guy, the first punter to be enshrined at the College Football Hall of Fame. He's still one scary-looking cat, though...Now our love for hockey owners is long-standing and well documented, but they really have outdone themselves this time. Not only did they compel players to accept a salary cap and a 24% across-the-board pay cut; not only did they shut the whole damned thing down for a year, making these guys lose a whole year's salary; now that the league is open for business once again, free agents are averaging a 43% pay cut. I love this game!...Am I the only one who is lucky enough to be "the one-millionth visitor" to a website almost daily?...Former scattershot target Gary Hogeboom spotted as a contestant on the upcoming season of Survivor. Like I would make something like that up...In Arkansas, workers began destroying vials and bottles containing mustard gas and other chemicals developed by the US Army for "training purposes". The items were declared obsolete in 1971, which immediately brings two thoughts to my mind: 1) Why are they just now destroying them? 2) Well, at least the Army finally found some weapons of mass destruction...Natalee Holloway! Week Eleven! Complete with twenty-seven new national reports in the last 24 hours. 442 days after the disappearance of Tamika Huston, police have made an arrest. The story was reported by two national media outlets. LaToyia Figueroa has been missing for 26 days. The last national report on her case was eight days ago...This week's Perseverance Award goes to Cindy Sheehan, presently camped out in front of the President's Crawford, Texas digs. She's awaiting the answer to two simple questions: "Why was my 24 year-old son's life worth losing in Iraq?" and, "If the cause is so just, why are your daughters not over there?" Sound like reasonable questions to me. Unless -- gasp! -- they lied to us...OJ has finally been convicted. Of stealing Direct TV services. I knew he did it! If the cable doesn't fit -- well, you know the rest...The Loyalty Award for the week goes to Laker fan Jack Nicholson who is currently filming The Departed in Boston and has banned all Celtics gear from the set...Puzzle me this, Batman: how can Peyton Manning win the ESPY for Best NFL Player, beating out both quarterbacks who actually played in the Super Bowl?...Former scattershot target Heath Shuler spotted running for congress in North Carolina...Desperate at this point to avoid reality garbage, reruns and the horrid summer fare out there? Check out Comedy Central's Stella and FX's It's always Sunny in Philadelphia. The former? Think Seinfeld, but with no plot. Exactly. The latter? Well, TV Guide describes it as a show about, "a trio of borderline racist, homophobic pals" who went to Catholic school together. In other words, I get to go to a family reunion every week without having to fly cross-country...The Ingenuity Award for the week goes to Rep. Mark Pettis (R), WI, who seeks to lower the Badger State's drinking age for military personnel from 21 to 18. Makes sense: old enough to die and all. But the ingenuity comes in when he realized that lowering the age limit would cost the state its federal highway funds. His solution? A resolution lowering fines to $5 for soldiers 18 and 19 caught drinking...And finally, there are some just plain weird things on the internet. While looking for images to hyperlink into this entry, I came across this. Huh?...Until next time,
Paz

...while wondering what ever happened to my youth

There are only a handful of times in one's life when he can say precisely where he was at a certain moment. Be it the morning of September 11, 2001, the moment the Challenger exploded or something else, these "stand out" moments are few and far between.

At 10:00pm last night, I had one of those moments. At that moment, exactly six years prior, I was on the small dance floor at the piano lounge of the Hotel Adolphus in Dallas, Texas, dancing with the most amazing lady I have ever met.

August 6, 1998 was the day my close friend Cliff was married to his lovely fiancee Jenny. I was the best man. My date was elegant and graceful. It was a special evening. The reception ended fairly early and the two of us headed downtown. We dined at the French Room, an amazing five-star restaurant inside the hotel, (which, by the way, was where President Kennedy was leaving from on that November 1964 afternoon that serves as another stand out moment for so many).

After dessert, we sat in the lounge, listening to the piano. Back then I spent a good deal of time there. Living across the street, it was a convenient place to bring dates for a drink. I also enjoyed going there alone, emerging myself in the ambiance. My respite from the grind. Augustí­n always had a glass of wine at the ready as I entered and the piano player always managed to work in some DeBussy for me. As midnight approached on this evening, I walked my date to the dance floor. As the first notes of my favorite piece played, I leaned down to my daughter, kissed her cheek and told her how much her Daddy loves her.

It was the most wonderful birthday of my life.

~

I turned 36 last night. I've never really had a problem with age, but this one has been tough. I mean, at 36 you're almost 40. 40!!! I suppose that's alright, but I'm looking around at what I have -- and I'm not seeing much. Shouldn't there be more "stuff"? A house? A wife? Savings? A freaking clue about where I will be in five years...five days?!?!? I'd have a midlife crisis, but I probably couldn't afford it.

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So I go on.

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Due to the vagariess of life after divorce and the bitterness it can produce, I have been prevented from seeing my daughter for any more than a few times in the last year. We're able to exchange e-mails, but it's a far cry from the time we spent together while I was still in Dallas. In the end, it's probably going to drive me back there. The logistics and economics of fighting a court battle from two time zones away will more than likely dictate it.

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I always used to think the last scene in The Godfather Part II was so cool. Al Pacino sitting on the park bench, having vanquished his enemies -- real and imagined. Sitting stoically, a man above it all. Over the last five years I have followed a similar path, (without the whole "murder a bunch of guys during my godson's baptism" thing). Through bad decisions and bad luck (much more of the former than the latter), I find myself virtually alone on my path. While the last year out here in California has taught me much about myself, I have learned just as much about life. No man indeed, is an island.

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My run in Texas ended in absolute chaos. More and more it appears I will have to abandon the stability I have developed out here, returning to the proverbial scene of the crime, in order to tend to the only priority that matters: Chelsea.

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We all tend to take stock at watershed moments like birthdays, anniversaries and such and I am obviously no different. We also tend to focus on that which we do not have, which in many ways I suppose I done today. In the end though, we all have much to celebrate. It's just so hard to remember that sometimes.

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I have food every day and never have to worry about how I am going to pay for it. I have a roof over my head and can afford to pay my rent. I wake up every morning and look out the window at the ocean. Hell, I wake up every morning. I have a job that I truly look forward to going to, where I work with genuinely good people. Though now scattered across the country now, I have Esperanza; I have Nelson; I have Denyse and Daniel; Jake and Billyrob -- friends I know will be so until the day we die. I have a faith that, though it wavers, gets me through the toughest parts.

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And I have Chelsea, who knows her Dad loves her and understands he is trying every day to get back to a place where there are no barriers to her relationship with him.

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So while there are many things I do not have, there are many more that I do. In a little over a year, I went from living in a highrise downtown Dallas apartment to crashing at a friend's condo, to literally sleeping on a park bench in South Carolina. Over the course of the past year I have cobbled together the semblance of a life: job, apartment, transportation.

.

Who knows what my thirty-seventh year holds?

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Ready or not, here I come.

...while wondering what ever happened to Ozzie Canseco

First some housekeephing issues:

Geniuses that we are, we posted the draft of the last issue, deleting the finished product. As a result, there were several items left out and several that went to press unedited. Rest assured the staff (of one) has been properly admonished.

The most glaring omission from the last post was the counter-reference to Jimmy Hoffa in the title. Suffice it to say the end product contained much glee over the impending doom of the AFL/CIO. Labor unions in this country were instrumental in securing safe workplaces with fair wages at a time when neither was to be had for the common worker, but as is human nature, they went too far. As institutions, they got greedy; as individuals, their leaders got corrupt. I watched entire towns in Pennsylvania collapse in the 1980's because the local mill closed down and I guarantee you, none of those bastards running the unions missed a meal...At the bottom of the last post was this unidentified picture. it is of Hoffa addressing a convention. You can't tell it's him, but artistically, it's a beautiful photograph...The final item is regarding the nuclear power plant rant. In the final edit, we voiced displeasure over the comparative lack of funding and attention to nuclear power plant safety. The essence of the entry however, remains unchanged. Let it not be said we lack respect for all viewpoints, however. For another take, read this, courtesy of reader Eric.

Onward...


The Idiot of the Week award wasn't even close this time. Christine Dawn Burke, of Georgia has been charged with giving beer to a teenager, then allowing him to drive her car. Wait, it gets better. She gave the teen -- and his three buddies -- the beer so they could mourn the loss of a friend recently killed in a car crash. "Hey, I know, guys! Why don't you go drink and drive to get over 'ol Tommy?!" The four teenagers are, of course, in the hospital after getting in a car wreck...Jose Canseco's not looking like a liar so much, now is he? Rafael Palmiero did his absolute best Bill Clinton in front of congress, stabbing his finger into the air, boldly proclaiming, "I did not have relations with that steroid!" Lo and behold, he tests positive. That's what he gets for leaving the Rangers. And for being an idiot. I mean seriously, you know they're looking. Why would you take anything not prescribed by your physician, unless you are cheating?...Updating an item from last week, the Padres finally traded Phil Nevin, netting Pitcher Chan Ho Park from the Texas Rangers just before the deadline. Park promptly went out and gave up 7 runs on 8 hits in 4 1/3 innings, picking up the loss in his NL return...Am I the only one who finds it awfully convenient for one Barry Bonds to sit the whole season out? Wouldn't want anyone to notice those before and after and after that pics, now would he? And he gets to come back next season and blame the certain dropoff in statistics on being gone a whole year. Funny, but in 1942, Ted Williams hit .356, with 36 HR and 137 RBI. The he took off three years and fought a war. Teddy Ballgame came back in '46 and hit .342, with 38 jacks and 123 RBI...The 35th Bassmaster Classic was held recently in Pittsburgh. Yes, that Pittsburgh. Looks like the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers are doing well these days. Of course, it is still Pittsburgh. When asked about his strategy going into the Classic, 41 year-old bass pro Doug Beck said, "The train bridges are the best, because every time a train goes over the bridge it shakes the pillars and the bait around the pillars gets all stirred up. When the trains are running, the fish are biting."...Lacy Peterson went missing and it was an instantaneous national drama, with coverage dominating news and info-tainment outlets for months. Natalee Hollaway vanishes in Alabamaruba and gets the same treatment. Now a couple honeymooning in the Caribbean dissappear and they too are splashed across the national stage immediately. LaToyia Figueroa is missing also, but there's a very good chance you don't know her name. Why? Because in the first three scenarios, the missing person was an attractive, white female. LaToyia is black. And it was not until seventeen days after her dissapearance that any national attention was given to the missing pregnant woman from Philadelphia. But the networks would have you believe that race plays no part in what stories are aired. When asked about the disparity of coverage between pretty white females (over half of the people currently missing in the United States are male, over a third black), CNN's Nancy Grace said, "Race plays no part. We follow the story; we go where it goes". And she presumably said that with a straight face. 215.686.3334. There's a $10,000 reward for information on LaToyia's whereabouts. (215.686.3334) Cleck here for an interesting commentary on the disparity issue, recorded in May of this year, some two months before Figueroa's dissapearance...What is Joe Johnson thinking? The Atlanta Hawks offered him $70 million to come play for them. His current employer, the Phoenix Suns matched. Johnson asked them not to. Huh? Same money, but he chose the only team the Clippers look forward to beating up on over one that made it to the Western Conference Finals last season? Hey Joe, crack kills, man. espn.com's Bill Simmons had this take on Johnson's decision:

There are few places where one can say the money isn't worth it under any circumstances. You can justify $70 million in Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles, Sacramento, Phoenix, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Denver, Utah, Minnesota, Memphis, Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Indiana, New York, New Jersey, Orlando, Miami, Milwaukee, Philadelphia, Toronto and Washington.

You need more for Charlotte and Golden State, say $80 million, because the Hornets are new and the Warriors have been so irrelevant for so long.

New Orleans, $90 million, because the owners are such incurable whack jobs.

But Atlanta? Horrible. From Phoenix? Inexcusable. Hell, $70 million is chump change, for the simple reason that you are going from a team on the come to a team players have been willing to sharpen a spoon and tunnel through cement to escape.

Classic. I could not have said it better myself...Luis Diaz walked out of a Florida pennitentiary this week, freed on DNA evidence, after 26 years behind bars. Remember him the next time you vote for a pro-death penalty candidate...Sarah Scantlin woke up and began speaking six months ago, after lying immobile and uncommunicative in a nursing home bed for over twenty years. And while her case is different from Terri Schiavo's, remember that the next time you hear about them wanting to pull the plug on someone...And finally, ah Hunter Kelly, we hardly knew ye...Until next time,
Paz