Turning 40, glancing back and charging forward.

So it was Ash Wednesday, 25 February and I was trying to decide what I was going to give up for Lent. I looked down at my gut and thought, “this is not good”. So I gave up sodas. And fast foods. I figured this served kind of a dual purpose: I was sacrificing some of the things I loved, and would offer up a little prayer every time I was tempted, and I was doing something good for my body.

In my “younger days” I was an avid bicyclist. So a few weeks into Lent, I bought a bike and started incorporating it into my daily commute to work. So what started as a Lenten observance, evolved into G4-0, a comprehensive plan to hit the ground running when I turned 40.


50 days out, I started listing the things I have learned in my first 40 years, posting them on my Facebook page. With a few exceptions, I did not pre-write the list. I took some time each day to reflect on things and wrote what came to mind. What follows is that list of the things I have learned, edited for clarity and to eliminate some redundancy.


I then started on a list of 50 things I want to accomplish before I turn 50.


But first, the push to 40.


When I set out on this final sprint to my 40th birthday, I set a few goals: I wanted to put 1000 miles on the bicycle; I wanted to turn 40 in the same spot I turned 30, with my daughter; I wanted to get down to the weight I was on my 30th birthday – 175 pounds.


The odometer on my bike reads 726.42 miles today, my 40th birthday. While I did not reach the 1000 mark, I feel better than I have in years and ride between 15 and 20 miles daily. I find a peace on my bike that had long been missing from my life and the reintroduction of this activity has been a great addition to my daily routine.


KB and I showed up at the Hotel Adolphus last night at around 11:00. I introduced her to Phil the bell captain, who promptly asked about Chelsea. Phil remembers that night ten years ago, me in a tux, Chelsea in a white dress and the dance that brought me into my 30’s. I told him I didn’t know if she’d be showing. We all wander the wilderness at some point in our life. Chelsea’s time is now. At midnight, KB and I toasted 40 and we took a picture where I had a decade earlier. Chelsea did not show.


I weighed 227 pounds on 25 February, and looked like this. I turned 40 weighing 207 pounds, and this is the pic of KB and me from the Adolphus. I still have a few pounds to lose, but never thought 175 was realistic anyway. The gut still needs to go, but I have more energy than I have had in years and I just feel healthier. PX90, anyone?


So – here are 50 of the things I have learned in my first 40 years:


- I am a lot better off than many and should take time daily to be thankful for all I have.


- Life really is a marathon and nothing truly valuable is achieved with ease. (I am reminded of this daily as a kid zooms past me about a mile or so into my daily bike ride to work, only to have me breeze past his wheezing 23 year-old ass halfway up the final hill to the train station. This is further reinforced about a quarter-mile up said hill, as I am overtaken by a grinning 52 year-old.)


- It is a beautiful thing when the rabbit lives.


- Although he’s been gone almost 24 years, I still rely on my father’s advice, on a regular basis.


- The good old days weren’t always good and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.


- The day I fail to learn something is the day they put me in the ground.


- While sometimes it is indeed better to ask forgiveness later as opposed to permission now, that’s not a card that should be played too often.


- One should be judicious in the use of the words, “never”, “always” and “forever.


- I am neither saint nor sinner, rather a mixture of both – just like everyone else.


- Downtime is to be cherished.


- Going to mass always makes me feel better.


- Effexor is my friend.


- More often than not, the nuns were right.


- I am the sum of all the decisions I have made, conscious or not, and any failure to embrace that – to have regrets of any kind – is to regret my essential self.


- Karma is real. And the bitch does not play.


- Sometimes people mistreat others simply because they can. I should not take this personally.


- The United States is a beautiful country, best seen via road trip.


- Life rarely goes as planned but the outcome is often better than planned.


- The liver is evil and must occasionally be punished.


- When the liver is punished, the rest of the body comes to its defense. The results, when in full effect the next morning, are not pretty.


- The only difference between a seven second-old zygote and a seven decade-old man is that they are at a different point on the same life cycle. To kill either against his will, not in defense of one’s own life or to prevent a greater evil, is murder.


- It is wise to date a woman who is smarter, better-looking and funnier than one’s self.


- One should always value love over money, actions over words and vodka over their oj.


- People will often believe what they are predisposed to believe. This being the case, attention is better focused on one’s actions than on how others will perceive them.


- What I wear, where I sit and proper performance of pregame rituals truly do affect the outcome of games.


- Chicks dig the long ball.


- Regardless of quality, construction or accouterments, nothing feels better than one’s own bed.


- The phrase “Defending World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies” never gets old.


- True greatness is a rare thing and I am blessed to have seen Michael Jordan, Frank Sinatra and Pope John Paul II do their thing, in person.


- Bob Dylan nailed it when he sang, “your sons and your daughters are beyond your control”.


- The things that hit hardest, good and bad, you rarely see coming.


- Some of my best thinking is done on a bicycle.


- I can handle pretty much whatever life throws at me. As an aside, in case you are reading this, God – please do not interpret that as some sort of challenge to your ability to infuse my life with chaos. You don’t need to prove a point, cool?


- Ice Cream makes the world a happier place.


- Real friends – call them at 3:00 in the morning because the shit just hit the fan friends – are a rare commodity and I have been blessed with more of then than my character could ever warrant.


- “Please” and “Thank You” still go a long way. Thanks, mom.


- A 1983 Ford Fairmont Futura can, in fact, serve as an all-terrain vehicle; motorcycling on a beach is not nearly as easy as it looks in the movies; and a trolling motor is damned-near indestructible.


- I get really bitchy when the mercury rises above 90.


- I may never speak fluent Venusian.


- While I may never have the relationship with my siblings that I’d like to and while that is mostly my fault – it is never too late to try.


- For every heart you break you pay a price.


- You pay for your raising.


- Everybody has a soul they can control or compromise.


- While black and white are neat and clean, life is lived amongst the shades of grey.


- When it comes to life, love and all they entail, you only need to be right once.


- Pruned fingers, red eyes and a chlorinated nasal system are signs of a day well-spent.


- A fairly good read on my life, beliefs and mindset can be obtained by listening to seven Billy Joel songs:


Prelude/Angry Young Man
Big Man on Mulberry Street
I Go to Extremes
Where’s the Orchestra
No Man’s Land
The River of Dreams
Shades of Grey



- I am so ready for the second half of my life.


So where to now?


Well, I started thinking about some of the things I’d like to do in the next ten years, then started breaking them down into categories, like charitable, health and wellness, spiritual and personal accomplishment. The list grew and eventually I had 40 things on the list. I am going to leave the last ten slots open, for just as I have grown and evolved in each of my 40 years, I expect the next ten to be no different. I can add the remaining goals as I go, as my outlook and desires change too. But for now, here’s what I’d like to accomplish in the next ten years, sorted alphabetically:


1. Amass any combination of 5000 hours or $5000 donated to charity.


2. Attend 10 Dallas Maverick road games.


3. Attend 1000 masses. (yes, that is my church)


4. Attend an opera.


5. Be alive on 7 August in each of the next ten years.


6. Coach a little league baseball team.


7. Compete – and finish better than last in – the Hotter ‘n Hell Hundred (mile) bicycle race.


8. Complete the digital restoration of my vinyl album collection.


9. Donate 25 pints of blood. (not all at once)


10. Get married.


11. Get published.


12. Go on ten spiritual retreats.


13. Go SCUBA diving.


14. Have a clean credit report.


15. Have my lifetime ban from The Grapevine Bar in Dallas, Texas rescinded.


16. If medically cleared, donate either a kidney or half my liver to someone who would die without it.


17. Kiss in the rain.


18. Learn how to play Billy Joel’s Prelude/Angry Young Man on the piano.


19. Learn how to sail.


20. Learn to read and write in Spanish, as I do the former poorly and the latter not at all.


21. Learn to read music.


22. Own a new motorcycle.


23. Own the Top Ten best selling music albums of all time (as of 7 August 2009).


24. Pay off all my personal debt.


25. Put 10,000 miles on my bicycle.


26. Read the Bible, the Koran and the Bhagwat Gita in their entirety.


27. Read the Top-Ten best-selling books of all time (as of 7 August 2009).


28. Read War and Peace. In the original Russian. OK, I made that last part up.


29. Remain married (if #10 is achieved).


30. Remember – and acknowledge – over 90% of family birthdays and anniversaries.


31. Ride a bicycle from downtown Dallas to downtown Ft. Worth, Texas.


32. Rope a calf.


33. See the AFI’s Top-Ten movies of all time (as of 7 August 2009)


34. See the 18 United States I have not yet been to.


35. Skydive.


36. Traverse a state by bicycle, 50 mile minimum. (Sorry Delaware, Rhode Island, et al.)


37. Turn 50 in the place I turned 30 and 40.


38. Visit Belfast.


39. Visit Jerusalem.


40. Visit Vatican City.


41. – 50. Future development.


Thanks for being on this journey with me. I don’t thank the people in my life – even in the smallest of roles – nearly enough for being there and helping make me who I am.


Keep the Faith,
-Gary
7 August 2009

Some things were perfectly clear,
seen with the vision of youth
No doubts and nothing to fear,
I claimed the corner on truth

These days it's harder to say
I know what I'm fighting for
My faith is falling away
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Once there were trenches and walls
and one point of every view
Fight 'til the other man falls
Kill him before he kills you

These days the edges are blurred,
I'm old and tired of war
I hear the other man's words
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find
When I look to the enemy line
Black and white was so easy for me
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Now with the wisdom of years
I try to reason things out
And the only people I fear
are those who never have doubts

Save us all from arrogant men,
and all the causes they're for
I won't be righteous again
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find
when I look to the enemy line
There ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colours I see

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
There ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colors I see

--B. Joel, 1994