...the Association at the Turn

...or, "What ever Happened to Danny Fortson.

Wow.

Nine teams within five games of the top of a ridiculously reconfigured Western Conference; three midseason blockbusters and counting; the very real possibility of a rekindling of the greatest rivalry in the history of the league; The Bugs buzzing atop the West and three potentially playoff-bound teams in the Least with sub-.500 records. OK, not everything is shocking at the All-Star break of the 2007-2008 season. But that which is, is in abundance.

If the NBA playoffs started today, all eight Western Conference teams would have a winning percentage of .615 or greater. All eight would have home court advantage in the first round if they were in the East. Of the eight teams that would today qualify for the playoffs, six would fail to make the cut out West. The disparity between the two conferences is ridiculous. While the offseason moves of Kevin Garnet, Ray-Ray Allen and, to a lesser extent, Rashard Lewis sparked hope that the tide of power would start to shift eastward, the midseason migration of The Big Fundamental and JKidd just turned that tide into a tsunami. And that doesn't account for Pau Gasol's move from the netherlands of Memphis to Tinseltown, effectively putting another superstar in the West.

In the course of a few weeks, the landscape has been radically altered. It started with the LALakers' rape of the Grizzlies, wherein Pau Gasol was obtained for Kwame Brown, James Critterton and a pair of West Hollywood trannies. Paired with the emergence of Andrew Bynum and dissipation of Kobe Bryant's menstrual cramps, this deal vaults the Lake Show immediately onto the short list of contenders for this year's championship.

By way of answer, the Suns dealt disgruntled locker room cancer Shawn Marion to Miami for Shaquille O'Neal, giving them the one thing they have always lacked -- an intimidating big man, while ridding them of the drama of an extremely talented, but immature third banana. This was one of those rare NBA trades in which both teams truly improved their teams immediately.

San Antonio chimed in by acquiring former Rookie of the Year Damon Stoudemire to back up Frenchie Parker. While no blockbuster, any time the Spurs add talent, it's bad for the rest of the conference.

All this activity pushed the itch in Mark Cuban to a level he couldn't avoid scratching. Of all the deals made this season, he's made the riskiest, in shipping Devin Harris, DeSagana Diop, Trenton Hassell, Maurice Ager, a signed-and-traded Keith Van Horn, two Number Ones and $3Million in cash to New Jersey, in exchange for Jason the Wifebeater and Malik Allen. Perhaps the mess this trade became should have warned Cubes off, but it did not.

In short, the deal originally contained Devean George and Jerry Stackhouse instead of Hassell and Van Horn. Two things popped up, and while we don't like the deal at all in either form, we call bullshit on both obstacles.

First, George. Being on his second one-year contract, he has what are called "Early Bird" rights, meaning his team can re-sign him at the end of the season, for any amount above and beyond the salary cap. No other team can. As a result, George had the right to veto a trade, and in going to the swamps of North Jersey, he would have forfeited those rights. This is all well and good; teams do what is in their best interest every day. Why can't a player? But the thing is, George will never benefit from these rights. Every team in the league has what is called a Mid-Level Exception to the salary cap, whereby they can sign anyone for about $4.5Million, regardless of their salary cap situation. They have this exception available every-other year. So, while we're being a little loose with the numbers here, in essence, there will be about 15 teams that can sign Deavan George to a contract of up to $4.5Million next season. He makes $1.5Million this season and rides the bench. There is no way in hell this guy is going to get an offer of anywhere near a team's full midlevel exception, let alone above it. His veto of the trade is absolutely senseless. And even if he had a breakout second half, (as all 34 year-olds are wont to do), does he really think Dallas is going to reward him at season's end?

The second thing that derailed the original trade was some comments made by Jerry Stackhouse. Some quick history: a few years ago, the Mavericks traded some players to the Milwaukee Bucks for Keith Van Horn. One of the players going to Wisconsin was Alan Henderson, who was promptly cut by Milwaukee and re-signed by Dallas. About two weeks later, the Heat and Hawks made a similar deal, with the net result being that Gary Payton played the role of Alan Henderson. As Payton is the bigger name, his deal is the one that is cited most often about this practice, which the league put the kibosh on at the end of that season. They instituted a rule stating a player cannot return to his original team within 30 days of being traded. Fast-forward to last week, when the JKidd/Harris deal went public. Jerry Stackhouse was asked his thoughts, when he replied, "I get 30 days' rest, then I'll be back. I ain't going nowhere." So, essentially, he said, "I am following the league rule." Somehow, this was a problem. The front office types from San Antonio, Phoenix, Houston, et al burned up the phone lines to the league office, claiming the Mavs were circumventing league rules. Bullshit. They were following the rule to the letter. And when we start enforcing the "spirit" of the rules, we step on a slippery slope indeed. So the deal got scrapped and has apparently been reincarnated as detailed above.

The teams have to make this deal. For New Jersey, Kidd wants out and they want him out. For Dallas, they have in essence told the team, "we can't win with this group". If this team had heart issues before, they would be a mess if this deal fell through.

So where does that leave the West? Muddled. There are no less than ten teams that could realistically make the playoffs, (New Orleans, Phoenix, LALakers, Utah, San Antonio, Dallas, Golden State, Denver, Houston, Portland), any six of whom, (N.O. thru Dal.), could win the conference. And with Denver actively looking to deal and San Antonio rumored to be should the Kidd trade go through, this too could change.

Over in the East, we were hesitant to jump on the Celtic bandwagon. But who is going to beat them? Detroit would seem the best bet on paper, but until they ditch the Worst Coach in the History of Team Sport, they're destined to fail. Cleveland is still LB and the Affordables, having missed out on JKidd and Mike Bibby. Orlando is still a year and a player away, and everyone else in the conference is under .500. In the East! We may all be bowling for soup come June.

Looking back on our preseason predictions:

First Coach to be Fired: We picked Philadelphia's Mo Cheeks, with a second choice of Snake Boy Thomas. While we a re amazed that Thomas still has a job, it was Chicago's Scott Skiles who got the first ax of the new season.

Breakout Season: Our pick, Toronto's Andrea Bargnani has only recently shown flashes of what we had hoped to see all season, while our second pick, Dallas' Devin Harris has faired much better. Only to be cast aside.

We Give Up On: Darko Milicic. And rightfully so.

We Still Say He's a Star in the Making: Philadelphia's Andre Iguodala. The primary reason the Sixers sit in the eighth playoff slot. Well that and a sucky conference.

Best Offseason, Team: Boston Celtics. And they have jumped out to the best record in the Association.

Worst Offseason, Team: New York Knicks. And they have jumped out to the fourth-worst record in the Association.

Best Offseason, Fans: The C-Men. One cannot argue with results.

Worst Offseason, Fans: Seattle SuperSonics. A .255 winning percentage and they are moving to Oklahoma City at season's end. One cannot argue with results.

Best Offseason Trade: The Garnett deal. One cannot...

Worst Offseaon Trade: Jason Richardson to Charlotte for Brandon Wright. We still don't understand how this was a good trade, but the W's are in the seven slot and Charlotte is still within striking distance of their first playoff birth.

Sam Cassell Award, for he who will bitch the loudest about the contract he voluntarily signed: Shawn Marion Phoenix Suns, who bitched his way onto the worst team in the league.

Shawn Bradley Award, for he who signed the most undeserved contract: Calvin Booth, Philadelphia 76'ers. Need we say more?

Penny Hardaway Award, for the most overrated player of his time: Luol Deng, Chicago Bulls. Again, if you are the Bulls, would you rather have this guy on your team or this team? The only thing that can save this team from becoming this generation's version of the 1990's Dallas Mavericks is The Greatest Basketball Mind of Our Time. LB makes them a contender. Anyone else is merely a spectator to the destruction.

Our All-Jobless team has remained largely so. Of the six, only Chris Webber is employed, he with Golden State. Jalen Rose and Aaron McKie are retired, Rafael Araujo is playing in Europe, PJ Brown and Danny Fortson are sitting by the phone and Larry Brown is biding his time.

Our Rookie of the Year pick, Kevin Durant appears on pace to win the award, with our number two guy, Atlanta's Al Horford putting up a solid first season as well.

Our preseason picks for division champions in the East were Orlando, Chicago and Boston, with Toronto, Detroit, Cleveland, Atlanta and Miami rounding out the field. Take out Chicago and Miami, add Philly and Jersey and there's where we stand today.

Out West, we picked San Antonio, Denver and Phoenix as division winners, to be joined by Houston, Dallas, Utah, New Orleans and Golden State in the big dance. And that's precisely where things stand at the break.

Or wisdom had the Mavs beating the Bulls in 7 for their first championship. But in all honesty, there's not much that would surprise us come June. We can honestly see any of the top teams in the West coming out of the conference, to meet Boston in the Finals. Then it will come down to whether the bloodbath that will be the Western Conference playoffs will take enough out of the winner to even out the talent disparity against the boys from Beantown.

If nothing else, the remainder of this season promises to be one of the most exciting in the history of the game. Enjoy!

Until next time,
Paz

...while wondering what ever happened to Alan Ruck

Bill Belichick is an ass. Now, we've resisted this whole, "I hate Boston", thing because, well, we think it's just as stupid to hate a team for winning as it is to jump on their bandwagon and falsely claim a nonexistent lifelong love. The BoSox have some of the most loyal fans on the planet and deserve all the success they are enjoying now. Same thing for the Patriots. The C-Men? Well, we've always hated them -- has nothing to do with their resurgence. But c'mon! The 18-0 Patriots come out and get their ass handed to them by the New York Football Giants. There's confusion at the end and everyone thinks the game is over, when in reality there is a second left. Gotta run another play. As Belichick trots across the field, an NFL security guy catches him and you can actually read his lips as he says, "there's one second left." Belichick waves the guy off, continues toward opposing coach Tom Coughlin, does the perfuntory congratulatory handshake. We're ok with that. I mean, you lost and don't want to be embarrassed by turning around and doing it all over again in like 30 seconds. No worries; you go back to your sideline, run the play and head to the locker room. Nope! Belichick heads straight for the tunnel -- like a coward. That is probably the most classless thing we've seen since Snake Boy Thomas' 1991 walkout on the Bulls. If we had a Bitch of the Week award, we'd have to name it the Belechick award...On the other hand, New England's Junior Seau was in the locker room when he found out there was one second left on the clock. Dude trotted back out onto the sideline and took it like a man. Clearly his current coach was not his primary influence as regardfs sportsmanship...We didn't realize we held so much sway. We release our Presidential Primary edition and, two days later, two of the candidates we rated lowest, Edwards and Giuliani, drop out. Go figure...Speaking of presidents, Harry S. Truman has always been one of our heroes. The passing of his daughter Margaret last week brought to mind one of our favorite Truman tales. A fledgling singer, the first daughter gave a concert at Washington's Constitution Hall in 1950. The review in the Washington Post read, in part, "...Miss Truman is extremely attractive on the stage ... (but) cannot sing very well. She is flat a good deal of the time". The president read the review, whipped out some White House stationary and fired off the following letter to the reviewer, "I have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below." Classic. Ah Margaret, we barely knew ye...Our take on the Shaq to the desert deal? A win-win -- unless you're from Dallas, San Antonio, Houston, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Butte, Montana -- ok, maybe not Butte. Still, we've been saying for years that Shawn Marion needed to get out of Phoenix before either he or the Suns could maximize their potential. This deal gets him out of town, allows Miami to rebuild without completely bottoming out and, sadly, gives the the boys from Arizona the best chance they've ever had at winning a title.

Our Yahoo 4-Star Songs feature has been on sabbatical and, shockingly, people have asked why. Well, part of it is that we kind of forgot about it, but we also weren't sure how to proceed. Coming up with five quality songs every week that you haven't heard a gazillion times on the radio isn't as easy as it sounds. And if we just yank crap from the Billboard charts, what would be the point? So, in an effort to avoid that kind of watering down, we'll make this a monthly thing. This month, we offer a punk classic honoring New England's unbeat -- oops. Well, we'll play it anyway, followed by a superb remake, just in time for Valentine's Day. After that, retro rules the day, with the trifecta of a song containing a shoutout to the Sactterkid, a great grrrrrl band and one of the best songs we've heard in years. The percussion on "Impossible" is the shizna! Now, contrary to back in the day, when the video was synonymous with the song, these tunes are all ones we discovered first by hearing them. But we're a little limited by technology in our ability to bring them to you. In the end, finding a video on youtube is usually the easiest way to hyperlink it in. Now, many of the songs we like are never singles, so we end up with some random guy's basement tape-- which usually sucks. So give us some leeway here and focus on the music. We apologize in advance if the accomanying video is awful. Without further adiu, February's Yahoo 4-Star Songs:


5. Boston, not L.A. -- The Freeze -- This is Boston, Not L.A. -- 1982

4. How Deep is Your Love -- The Bird and the Bee -- Please Clap Your Hands -- 2007

3. Harmonicas & Tambourines -- Hot Hot Heat -- Happiness LTD -- 2007

2. Because I'm Awesome -- The Dollyrots -- Because I'm Awesome -- 2007

1. Impossible -- Shout Out Louds -- Our Ill Wills -- 2007

The Ferris Bueller award for this week goes to Kevin Hart, a 6-foot-5, 290-pound offensive lineman for Fernley High School, in Reno, Nevada. Hart called a press conference to announce his decision between accepting a scolarship from the University of Oregon or from the University of California. Sitting in a jam-packed gymnasium, amongst swarms of media, Hart looked at the table set up in front of him, two ballcaps sitting atop. After a dramatic pause, he picked up the blue one, put it on, stood up and smiled, announcing that he had selected Cal, due to his long conversations with head coach Jeff Tedford. With his high school coach and principal beaming, the entire student body cheering, Hart would be the first student from the school to ever attend a Division I college on an athletic scholarship. One problem -- dude was never recruited. By anyone. He made the whole thing up -- and was the front-page story on espn.com. This is greatness! Of course, there are idiots out there ranting about either a) this evil kid who must have broken a law here and needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, or b) this poor kid who must be so lost that he felt he needed to make this up. It's neither; it is simply one of the best pranks ever pulled. Our 17 year-old self would have killed to pull off something like that at our school. And we're neither criminal nor craz -- oops. Nevermind...Big props to SuperSleuth reader Ali, who tracked down both Paul Simon and Charles Nelson Riley dirt-nappin' it, the former in Springfield, Ill, the latter in L.A. (an assist to Billyrob for the preemptive Paul Lynde strike -- dead in L.A., burried in Ohio)...For an award we don't have, we sure have plenty of candidates this week. Bitch of the Week II would go to writer Carrie Jones, who's come out with a defense of sexless marriage. That there would make her immediately incompatible with us, but not necesarilly a bitch. No, where that comes in is in her book, Cutting Up Playgirl, in which she talks very frankly about how her libido has vanished in the course of her marriage. This happens. But then she elucidates her plan: while she has absolutely no intention of working on the problems in her marriage, she has resolved to remain celibate even though she and her husband share a bed. She plans to stay in the marriage until the children are grown, insisting on his faithfulness all the while, and then to leave her husband and seek sexual adventure. Nice. Of course, this only really works if hubby can't read...We're on record here in opposition to making convicted sex offenders register or live in designated areas, after their release. While we favor really long sentences and castration, we don't think it's fair to permanently mark someone as intrinsicly "bad". The residency thing has gotten particularly out of hand. The initial idea is understandable, if flawed: protect children by not letting sexual offensers live near schools. Or daycares. Or women's shelters. Or parks. Or movie theaters. Or -- you get the point. You end up with a map that looks like this. Well, in Miami, about twenty convicted sex offenders, frustrated by the difficulty of finding some place that would take them, banded together and formed their own village. Under the Julia Tuttle Causeway. Their digs under the bridge include a living room, kitchen, individual sleeping areas, a gym, and two dogs. In the thirteen months the men have been living there, none have been arrested for any crime. Thirteen of them have a regular job, but either cannot afford to live in the limited number of places that would take them, or cannot obtain reliable transportation to their jobs if they did. The ones who do not work take care of the camp. It is a peaceful, law-abiding community. So of course the state wants them to move. "We're urging them to find a residence. We want them to be able to reintegrate into society," said Gretl Plessinger, a spokeswoman for the Florida Corrections Department. Is that so? They work, pay taxes and leave everyone alone. Isn't that what you want?...One last note about the Hart story. We just love bandwagonners. Remember, this was totally made up -- the kid was not recruited by anyone. But immediately following his, "announcement", the Cal booster site went ablaze with comments like these: "1st DI player to come out of that high school? He must be a superstar at the school."; "I think this qualifies as a KABOOM."; "Yes, I have seen him play. He's pretty good. Has college size, good skills. Good addition for Cal."; "Sounds like a great young man with size and attitude!"; "I think Kevin Hart will be one hell of a sleeper recruit for Cal." I promise we don't make this stuff up. Classic...As an aside, I'd like to announce that skatterkid has decided to forgo her last three years of high school eligibility to accept the new Dallas WNBA team's contract tender to be their starting point guard. The press conference is at noon on Tuesday. Bring money for autographs.
Until next time,
Paz

by the by: spellcheck is not working on blogger.com tonight so...