...while wondering what ever happened to Natalee Holoway:

The end of the year is just as arbitrary as any other time to take stock, as time itself – or the measurement thereof – is a human-created quantifier. Nonetheless, lemmings that we are, here’s our take on the recently-completed año:

There have been moments of incredible tragedy, paired with times of overwhelming goodness. Those who made fools of themselves and those who distinguished themselves through performance, perseverance or philanthropy.


Couple of the Year:

3. The two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders caught getting it on in a Tampa bathroom.
--How did we miss this?

2. Bill and Melinda Gates.
--They don’t just write the checks; they go out into the world and try to help those who need it most.

1. Presidents George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton
--If you say you saw their partnership, (and genuine friendship), coming -- you are a liar. These two men putting aside their differences for the common good is everything this country is supposed to be about. They make us proud to be (Unites States of) Americans.

Most Inspiring:

3. Sean Penn
--Some have called it grandstanding, but the fact remains that the man, of his own volition, flew to Texas, drove to Louisiana, bought a boat and personally pulled 16 people from the flood waters of Hurricane Katrina.

2. Stephon Marbury of the New York Knicks
--He donated $1Million to Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, collapsing into tears, unable to finish his press conference after saying, “it’s not about the money…you’re supposed to (give money if you have it).”

1. Houston, Texas.
--The city immediately offered the Astrodome for housing of Katrina evacuees, disregarding questions of cost, set up job fairs, gave tax breaks to employers who hired evacuees then, when funding was set to expire for temporary apartments, galvanized a public/private/religious coalition to keep the programs afloat.

Most Disgusting:

3. Terri Schiavo’s husband, for not only letting, but insisting she die, despite her parents’ willingness to assume all responsibility for her care. There is an inherent value in human life that supersedes questions of “quality”. The media, politicians and celebrities primping (pimping?) and preening for the cameras during the whole affair can be added here as well.

2. Governor Kathleen Blanco, (D), Louisiana
--She let partisan politics block aid and people died. She should be in prison.

1. The Media.
--Look! Another missing hot, white chick! Live feeds on the minute! Poor Natalee Holoway, let’s absolutely saturate the airwaves with exploitative coverage because we really care about what has happened to her. Ooh! A hurricane!!! Natalee who? And let’s not even worry about the LaToyia Figueroas of the world. I mean, she’s a minority.

Persons of the Year:

3. President George W. Bush
--I do not agree with many of his decisions. Still, in the tradition of Theodore Roosevelt and Harry Truman, the man follows the course he believes to be right and will not be dissuaded. His initial response to the devastation in the Gulf Area was inspiring. We only hope his “New Deal” ideas for the area come to fruition. More focus on the job at hand and less on his legacy will go a long way, as well.

2. The American People
--Showing a generosity and commonality of cause not seen since the Depression, our people reached out not only across the seas, but across our very own state lines to help the neediest amongst us.

1. Maureen Bates
--My mom. At 65 years old, she rode a train cross-country, solo. She drove a car for the first time in twenty years. She’s a wonderful grandmother, an even better mother. She’s thriving in a time when many begin to wind down. I am blessed to have her in my life.

Most Missed:

3. Anne Bancroft
--She taught every teenage boy that yes, it can be done.

2. Peter Jennings
--I grew up watching him. He didn’t graduate high school, yet made himself into one of the most well-read, informed people of his time. He also had a respect for his institution, one that is sadly lacking today.

1. Pope John Paul, II
--One of my heroes. His humble life of peaceful service is the most Christ-like example I have seen in my lifetime.


Movies of the Year:

3. Cinderella Man
--It’s a boxing movie, it’s a love story, it’s a Depression-era saga. Fantastic cinematography paired with restrained acting on the part of Russell Crowe and René Zelwiegger. At times inspiring, at others heartbreaking, it’s one to buy and not rent.

2. Brokeback Mountain
--Based on a story by one of our favorite writers, E. Annie Proulx, the film finds cowboys Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, both of whom consider themselves straight, inexplicably, falling in love. And staying there. More a story about the complexities of love than about homosexuality per se, this is a stark and at times very lonely film.

1. The Woodsman
--Kevin Bacon stars in this film as a pedophile, recently released after a 12-year prison term. What follows is a character study of a man trying not to find redemption, but to merely survive the fight against his predilections. A stunningly subtle performance by the lead and an equally solid showing by Kyra Sedgwick allow this film to do what so many find it hard to do – take a person or an issue that we as a society find so much easier – safer – to demonize, and make them human, without becoming apologists. A truly fascinating study of the human condition.

Music of the Year:

3. Sufjan Stevens, “Illinoise”
--With song titles like “A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, but for Very Good Reasons”, and “The Seer’s Tower”, we’re talking titular camp here. But the music is, well, interesting. And the lyrics, heavily laced with references both obscure and not, make for an intriguing musical journey through the Prairie State.

2. Bruce Springsteen, “Devils and Dust”
--Stripped down and insightful, much more like an indie rock album than anything he has put out in a long time.

1. The Killers, “Hot Fuss”
--OK, so this came out in 2004. The fact is, so much of what was released in 2005 was crap, that this is still the best thing we listened to this year. Neo-wave-garage-punk from Vegas. How cool is that?

Idiot of the Year:

3. Michael Brown, former Director of FEMA
--As head of the department, he was ultimately responsible for its performance. If he was so free of responsibility for FEMA’s performance, I guess he’ll be turning in most of that six-figure salary he was riding.

2. Rafael Palmeiro
--If you are going to point at a congressman and all but scream, “I have never used steroids – ever”, make damned sure you allow NOTHING into your body that you are not absolutely sure will not cause a dirty urinalysis.

1. Geoff Huish The Welsh soccer fan who bet his testicles on a game versus England, lost…and paid up!

Quotes of the Year:

3. “Evidently this time He didn’t listen to me.”
--Pope Benedict XVI on his prayers not to be elected pope.

2. “Tell 41 and 42 that 43 is hungry”
--President George W. Bush, at the opening of the Bill Clinton Presidential Library, when his two most-recent predecessors wandered off from the official tour.

1.

I know I didn’t hear that Quotes of the Year:

3. "I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down."
--Bill Bennett, former Education Secretary

2. "You simply get chills every time you see these poor individuals...many of these people, almost all of them that we see are so poor and they are so…black."
--CNN's Wolf Blitzer, on Hurricane Katrina Evaccuees (emphasis not added)

1. What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this (chuckle) – this is working very well for them."
--Former First Lady Barbara Bush, on the evacuees housed in the Houston Astrodome

Most Annoying:

3. People who, out of one side of their mouth, tout the wonder of our capitalist society, yet turn around and bitch out the other, about the costs of gasoline and prescription drugs. You can’t have it both ways, folks.

2. Anyone who gives a damn about: Tom Cruise’s living room etiquette, Jude Law’s sleeping and daycare arrangements, Daisy Duke’s marriage, any episode of American Idol after the bad singers are booted, Angelina Jolie’s baby’sdaddy, Anderson Cooper’s sexual preference (gay), Ann Coulter’s sexual preference – gay (ok, we made that up), Michael Jackson’s persecution, OJ’s hunt for the real killer -- or his home entertainment setup, Saddam Hussein’s favorite snacks, whoever it is that keeps cramming Illinois Senator Barack Obama down the national throat, female teachers banging their middle school students and the people who think this is less disgusting than a male teacher molesting a female student, the 13 people left in this country who believe that we were not lied to about Iraq, Democrats falling all over themselves in glee over the problems of the President, people who think an 18 year-old basketball player from Watts should go to college instead of going to the NBA, who then go to see 16 year-old professional golfer Michelle Wie -- and see no hypocrisy, Nickelback fans, Nickelback, anyone who doesn’t think Coldplay sucks, anyone who cares what an NBA player wears anywhere other than on the court – during a game, John O’Hurley, runaway brides and crystal meth-sharing hostages.

1. This is a hard one to pick, because the ones who truly annoy us the most, we refuse to give space to. (bimbi named after French cities and such), so we will go with Coldplay. First, they absolutely, completely and utterly suck. There is not a shred of redeeming value in the dreck they call music. As a result, myriad other annoyances spring forth, the biggest being there sheer pervasiveness. They are ubiquitous!


Best Live Events of the Year (that we attended):

3. Padres’ division-clinching win and Barry Bonds heckle-fest over the San Francisco Giants; Petco Park, San Diego California

2. Easter morning service, generically-named non-denominational Christian Church. Who knew Chargers’ quarterback Drew Brees was so articulate?; On the beach, Oceanside California

3. Kobe Bryant’s 62-point smackdown of my beloved Dallas Mavericks, Staples Center, Los Angeles, California


In the end, 2005 has been very good to us. We’re healthy, stable and for the first time in a while, optimistic that the future is bright. We’re not as good as some, but better off than many. Which, in the end, is all we should really hope for.

May the coming year greet you with an abundance of blessings. May it greet us with a June parade in Dallas, celebrating the Mavericks’ first NBA championship.

Happy New Year!

Until next time,
Paz

...while wondering what ever happened to Burl Ives

So we'd reluctantly go to bed around 8:00 or so. Craziness. How in the hell they expected us to fall asleep is beyond me. Joseph and I would huddle up in our room, plotting and planning, as Maryellen was relegated to her room in the back of the house. Eventually we would fall asleep though and without exception -- probably owing to my being the youngest -- I would pop out of bed at around 6am, chomping at the bit.

Joseph is five years my senior, so as the years added up and he gradually came to know what the deal was, he became harder to awaken on those cold mornings. He'd beat me up if I even thought about waking him up before seven, so I'd sit there in the dark...waiting...wondering.

4850 N. Lawrence Street is a row house in the Olney* section of Philadelphia. Built sometime in the '30's, it was a brick rectangle, (more of an elongated L, actually), two stories high, about 12 feet wide and maybe four or five times as long. A square living room in front, followed by a square dining room and a kitchen minus three feet on the left, making room for windows on that side of the house. What you're left with is one rear-facing window in the dining room and three in the kitchen facing the side. Another kitchen window faced the modest (and concrete) back yard, next to the back door. The stairs were in the living room, on the right side.

Upstairs, my mom and dad had the "master" bedroom, which took up the width of the house and connected to my brother's and my room, which was about the same size, with the exception of the room needed for the stairs and hall. Our room, like the dining room below it, had a rear-facing window. Lying in bed, I could hear the busses a block over on 5th Street. Down the hall from our room was the bathroom, followed by my sister's. Below, a basement, dank and scary as hell, ran the length of the house. Identical to all but a handful of the other 51 homes on our block, it was nothing special, but it was home. The home I spent the first fourteen years of my life. Where I took my first steps. Where I discovered masturbation and Billy Joel (not at the same time). And where, on a spring evening in 1982, I sat at the dinner table, smiling like a simpleton, having that afternoon shared my first kiss in an alley off of Ashdale Street, with Jennifer Flynn.

So I would sit at the window, suffering through the longest hour of my life, waiting for 7:00. At the moment the numbers flipped over to read '7, 0' and '0' I would pounce. "Joseph!, Joseph! Wake up! Wake up!" After the initial sluggishness and obligatory smack or two, he too would begin to get excited and the countdown would begin. Eventually Maryellen would make her way down the hall into the room and it would become a full-on vigil.

At around quarter of eight I would try to pull a fast one, hoping I could get the parents up a little earlier than the Edict allowed for. But these people were good. Nothing got past them. So I would dejectedly head back to the room and the three of us would go absolutely insane with anticipation until we heard the first rumblings from our parents' room. Then they would emerge. Why were they always so tired on these days? I mean, my dad got up and was off to work before we even got up, usually and mom was awake and doing her thing around the house, getting us ready for school and whatnot on a regular day. What was so different here?

The waiting party would move out into the hall, where we'd jostle for position at the top of the stairs while Daddy went down to make his coffee, Mommy turned the thermostat up and they would turn on all the lights and fire up the stereo for some mood music. Then things got ugly. Who got to go first? Invariably I would end up winning, because I was the youngest. Like that millisecond would really make a difference. But we were kids. That millisecond was everything. So, with a, "C'mon down!" , mom and dad would release the hounds.

As we tumbled down the stairs, frantically looking for, "our pile", our necks would crane and our eyes scan the dining room, seeking out those treasured boxes, so full of wonder, so packed with promise. It was the epitome of joy. A joy we spend our whole lives trying to recapture, that of knowing with absolute certainty that something wonderful awaits.

My parents always made Christmas an incredible experience for us, and not by showering us with an obscenity of gifts, though we did do well in our hauls. No, what I take away most clearly from those mornings is the knowledge that I was truly loved. That my parents shared in our joy. That no matter how tired he was, my dad would perform any "partial assembly required", and then both my parents would play with us all day, and miraculously make all three of us feel equally paid-attention to. We'd go to mass, but the lesson had already been learned. We knew the true meaning of the day.

In the afternoon, we would head down the East River Drive, to Aunt Sue's house in the Fairmount section, to eat and show her our "favorite" present, (roughly translated as that which will fit in the car, make no noise and keep us out of the adults' way for a while). At the end of the day, I'd climb into bed. I'd drift to sleep on a soundtrack of tinkling radiators and SEPTA busses, winos at the bar on 5th and sleep-talk from my brother. And I would smile. Because I was loved. By my parents, my Aunt, my siblings and, most of all, by God.

May you feel the love, peace and contentment of Christmas tonight, in whatever form it finds you.

Paz.


* Picture taken in June, 1969, two months prior to my birth. It looks north on Fifth Street from the overpass just south of Somerville Avenue, about five blocks from the house I grew up in.

...while wondering what ever happened to Gene Wilder

We're recovering from significant oral surgery this week, so we shamelessly offer the work of another, for your reading pleasure.

First though, kudos to Mark Cuban and courtside Dallas Mavericks season ticket holders, for collaborating for their second annual "Seats for Soldiers" night, wherein each and every person along the first row, all around the court, donated their game tickets for the use of active US military personnel. I think it's safe to say the Mavs and Magic were safe from the terrorists for a few hours.

Now, on to the plagiarism...

We are not, in fact, alone in our lingering obsession with athletic couture, as evidenced below: (And you know the Kobe thing's been bugging you too!)

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=lukas/051212

and if that ain't enough for ya, it gets truly disturbed here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=lukas/051215

And finishing out the theme of letting others write our material, this from two of the recently-departed:

"If you are on fire and running down the street, people will get out of your way."
--Richard Pryor

"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches. We will leave you your small joys -- and smaller troubles."
--Eugene McCarthy

Until the tooth fairy grants us welief,
Paz

PS: Alexa Joel made her debut last Saturday night at NYC's The Cutting Room, playing mostly her own songs. Mom and Dad, with their respective spouses, were in attendance and the Piano Girl was well-received by audience and critics alike.

...while wondering what ever happened to Joey Buttafuoco

So a man gets hired at the local middle school and promptly starts an affair with one of his female seventh grade students. He has sex with her in the classroom, his house and in a car while one of her friends drives. People find out. What happens to him? What should? Tell me then, what the hell is Debra LaFave doing sitting in the comfort of her Florida home for the next 3 years, under "house arrest", followed by seven years of probation, for doing the exact same thing to her very underage male student? Why is that ok?...After a near decade-long drought, new Billy Joel music has arrived -- sort of. Joel has released My Lives, a four cd/one dvd collection of mostly unreleased material, demos, alternate versions and covers, with a few quality album tracks sprinkled in. The dvd is from 1993's River of Dreams Tour and was filmed in Frankfurt, Germany. In the liner notes, Joel says, "If I were exposed only to the material of mine that has been played on the radio, I don't think I'd be a Billy Joel fan." With this compilation, he has endeavored to show his progression as an artist, from his early bar band days with The Lost Souls and The Hassles, through his starving artist days and struggle to climb the 70's rock charts, to his pinnacle in the 80's and his current classical phase. Will it make you a Billy Joel fan if you're not one? No. Will you walk away from it with a greater appreciation for him as an artist? It would be impossible not to. As the casual fan is not going to lay down fifty bucks for a box set, we recommend downloading the following: Money or Love (the first single from the set), Every Step I Take (Every Move I make) with The Hassles, These Rhinestone Days (later became I've Loved These Days), Only the Good Die Young (demo - reggae version), House of Blue Light (B-side, never put on an album), Highway 61 Revisited (Dylan cover), I'll Cry Instead (Beatles cover) and Eligy - The Great Peconic (as performed by the London Symphony Orchestra)...Hey Michael Irvin -- crack kills...The Philadelphia Eagles have no one to blame but themselves. Is Terrell Owens an ass? Yes. Is this a revelation to anyone? At all? I mean c'mon, he publicly called into question the sexual orientation of the quarterback of his last team (though seeing first-hand how Jeff Garcia played the following season in Cleveland -- but I digress). The guy is a jerk, but the Birds got what they wanted out of the deal: a legitimate shot at a ring. It didn't work out. It didn't for 30 other teams last season either. What I'd like to see now though is Jeffrey Lourie to go hockey owner on TO: eat the $5M, pick up his option fornext year and tell him to shut the hell up and play or be suspended another year without pay. God I love hockey owners...Speaking of owners, Mark Cuban has been rebuffed in his most recent attempt to buy the Pittsburgh Pirates. Bad for baseball, bad for Pittsburgh, but we're still happy. A) being a Browns fan, I hate all things Pittsburgh, fans included; and B) If he owned the Bucs, he'd by definition be distracted from the Mavs. We can't have that...Thank you for retiring, Doug Cristie. Being a founding member of the "if this guy ever becomes a Mav I don't know what the hell I am going to do" club, (along with Gary Payton, Karla Malone, John Starks and Scottie the Sidekick), your signing this summer was quite distressing. Then you came out wearing Stevie Wonder's old number and I about lost my mind. Thankfully, you're not man enough to play with a little pain. And as bonus, as your replacement, Dallas signed one of our favorites, Adrian Griffin to return to the club, after a two-year hiatus in Houston and Chicago...NBA Coach of the Month for November? That'd be Avery Johnson, whose squad became the first to defeat all four of the previous season's Conference Finalists in the first month, since the 1948 Hawks. The St. Louis Hawks...As for this year's version, this Saturday night could have been one for the ages, pitting the winless Atlanta Hawks against the equally futile Toronto Raptors. Alas, a few wins last week ruined that perfect storm of ineptitude. Still, I'll bet there were a few seats to be had. (The visiting Raps won 102-101.) Because we know you care...Congratulations to Michael Sessions, the new mayor of Hillsdale, MI, who defeated incumbent Doug Ingles by 57 votes, in a hotly-contested election. Sessions will only be able to work part-time as head of the town though, as he is still a high school senior. If only Pine Ridge, SC would have needed a mayor back in 1987. Think of the damage that could have been done...Folks. Enough. Look, if it's December, there are people lined up along the sides of the street, they are singing songs, there are reindeer, kids are going nuts, parents are freezing there arses off so the kids can go nuts and everyone's pretty much being a little nicer than they usually are -- it's a freaking Christmas Parade!!!!!!!! Not a "Winter Holiday Fest". Not a "Snow Days" celebration, or whatever other euphemism you want to put on it. Christmas. If it has nothing to do with Christmas, why is it not held in February? Enough with the political correctness. A town holding a Christmas parade/celebration/festival in no way violates the civil rights of anyone. Give it a rest. If you really want to find true injustice within our society, it is readily prevalent. The funny thing is, most of the times someone is up in arms and running to court over these things, it's not a Jew or Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist. It's some wacko from the ACLU who has his head so far up his ass he can't see that the message that is sent throughout the Christmas season (outside of Wal-Mart, that is), is one of hope, joy and love, things no one is against, regardless of creed...We've been gone for a few weeks, so this is a tad dated, but the Quote of the Week goes to David Letterman: "Every night people go out and go crazy all over France. Last night over 600 cars were set on fire. 600 cars! But the good news is that the rioters saved over 15% by switching to Geico."...Math update: Number of dead US service personnel since operations began in Iraq - appx.2000. Number permanently wounded - 5,000+. Number of WMD's found - 0.

BRING. THEM. HOME

...And finally, after the season's first month, our Updated NBA Power Rankings, as of 3 December:

*Formula: The committee (of one) takes into account not only record, but record compared to expectations, quality of competition, injuries, attitudes and trends. All ties go against teams we don't like.

Now (November 1)

30 (29) Toronto Raptors -- Beat the ATL, scared Dallas, but this team is still just awful
29 (28) Atlanta Hawks -- Harrington gearing up for a huge (contract) season
28 (6) Houston Rockets -- T-Mac, Sura injuries not an excuse. Look for deals - soon.
27 (13) New York Knicks -- LB's new squad slow to catch on, but they always are.
26 (22) Utah Jazz -- Williams better than we expected, rest of team not.
25 (27) Charlotte Bobcats -- Bumped this high by default. They've stepped back a bit.
24 (25) Portland Trail Blazers -- Nate laying down the law, Blazers laying down like dogs.
23 (19) Los Angeles Lakers -- Kobe-on-5 is not going to win many games.
22 (18) Boston Celtics -- Have you seen those hideous alternate jerseys?!?
21 (14) Washington Wizards -- Decent start followed by hard stumble. Next month vital.
20 (11) Sacramento Kings -- No injuries, just not as much talent as we're used to here.
19 (5) Denver Nuggets -- Talented but thin team could na'er afford Nêne loss.
18 (23) Seattle SuperSonics -- Moribund (expected) start salvaged by recent (unexpected) spurt.
17 (20) New Jersey Nets -- With their talent, should be doing more in the East.
16 (26) Orlando Magic -- First winning month in over two years.
15 (30) New Orleans/OKC Hornets -- Is it too early to anoint a "feel good team"? Probably.
14 (24) Minnesota Timberwolves -- Bad teams win early and late. It's early. And they're bad.
13 (10) Phoenix Suns -- League's hottest team holding down the .500 fort w/out Amare.
12 (12) Golden State Warriors -- Young team with a lot of expectations living up so far.
11 (15) Milwaukee Bucks -- Bogut's the real deal.
10 (21) Philadelphia 76'ers -- A.I. playing like a kid again, C-Web fitting in.
9 (9) Chicago Bulls - A very businesslike Bulls team. Sound familiar?
8 (2) Indiana Pacers -- Just waiting for Artest to explode -- in a good way.
7 (4) Miami Heat -- Got through first 'Toine/J-Will drama of the season in tact.
6 (16) Los Angeles Clippers -- Clips will not stay here all season, but a solid start.
5 (7) Cleveland Cavaliers -- LBJ making the most of his new playmates.
4 (17) Memphis Grizzlies -- Logo's new collection gelling well. It must be Pao's beard.
3 (8) Dallas Mavericks -- Three weeks without J-Ho will be telling.
2 (1 ) San Antonio Spurs -- Rising above early injuries to Manu, Fin
1 (3) Detroit Pistons -- Out to prove it wasn't all LB. So far so good.

Until next time,

Paz.