...while wondering what ever happened to Donna Dixon

Not too much new in our world this week, so we're going to dump the Fodder file and break out a new feature. Then we'll cap it off with our NBA end of the season awards. Onward...Longtime reader Billyrob reports recent scattershot target Wendie Jo Sperber spotted in LA taking the dirt nap. Damn. We always kinda had a thing for her...Just in from the We're Not Alone in our Castigation department, thse gems from one of our faves, espn.com's Bill Simmons, throwing down a double-slam, about three days after we came down on LeBust and Vince the Malingerer: "If LeBron James is the future of the NBA, sign me up for a different professional basketball league, please. Did you see him lick that giant stamperoo and stick it on Game 5? I kept expecting to see him break out his Blackberry while other players were shooting free throws and start texting his friends things like, 'What time is the Guts game in my hotel room tonight?' If he doesn't slap up a 42-12-13 tonight in New Jersey, I give up. [he didn't] Show us you care, Bron-Bron. Give us a little taste." and "Also, you know how TNT splices trailers for Hollywood movies with NBA action? Why couldn't they splice the 'Heartland' commercial so Treat Williams is talking to Lawrence Frank about Vince Carter? 'I just want you to know, if any heart becomes available tonight, I'll make it work for Vince. I promise you.'" Good stuff...Peeking into the Fodder file, that abyss of random shreds of senselessness that we set aside, intending to use but never find a way to work into the blog, we find a whole lotta garbage. There's a reason this stuff wasn't used. But we can salvage a few bits. For those of you who hate female sideline reporters, this observation, courtesy of a random guy in Cleveland, "I don't know how you could say the NBA playoffs would be the same without sideline reporters. For instance, at the beginning of the second quarter of Game 5 of the Cavs-Nets series, TNT's sideline reporter observed that the Cavs had already committed five turnovers. 'At that pace,' she noted, 'they would finish the game with 20.' And you know what? She's right! I checked! This woman is like some kind of human abacus. How could I hope to understand the game without real-time statistical analysis like that? We stand corrected...Also from the Fodfile, the most brutally honest assessment of the home team ever written by a writer west of, well, West Philly, comes from The Dallas Morning News' Tim Collishaw, who in the wake of the Mavericks' first-round flameout wrote, "Until the end of time, the 2007 Mavericks will be known as one of the softest teams in professional sports. A team devoid of character and heart, when it mattered most. It's a fitting moniker that starts with their best player. " Day-um!...Since we know you're just hanging on every bit of pop culture we can lay on you, in a new feature, we're going to list five current 4-star songs on our Yahoo radio station. When possible, we'll hyperlink in either an audio or video clip; when not, you'll have to work for it. Because we know you care.

Artist Song Album Year
1. The Flaming Lips Mr. Ambulance Driver At War with the Mystics 2006
2. Ernie Halter And So it Goes Congress Hotel 2007
3. Billy Joel All My Life 2007
4. Ludacris Slap Release Therapy 2006
5. War The World is a Ghetto The World is a Ghetto 1972

...Well, it looks like our rally-killing abilities are faltering. The Ottawa Senators are going to the Stanley Cup Finals and the Anaheim Ducks are up 3-2 on the Red Wings, setting up a potential all-expansion team Finals. If this holds up, we'll go with Ottawa in the Finals, in seven. More on that next week. In the NBA, our tongue lashing of Cleveland and Detroit worked, as both advanced. And of course our pulling for the Warriors led to their five-game demise. That's what they get for leaving Philly, although it was one of the closest 4-1 series we've seen. As for the Conference Finals:

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS:

(1) Detroit Pised-ons vs (2) Cleveland Cadavers

We really wish there was something -- anything of interest to impart about this series. There is nothing to analyze. Even Flip Saunders can't blow this one.

Detroit in Four

(3) San Antonio Spurs vs (4) Utah Jazz

Tim Duncan after Stu Jackson essential gave them the series versus Phoenix by suspending Amare and Boris: "look what I found".

Andre Kirilenko after the seeding gods give them the Rockettes in the first round and, inexplicably, the world-beating Warriors in round two: "look what I found".

Yes, this is a matchup of two teams that don't really deserve to be here. They'd better make the most of it, because the Spurs are getting old and the Mavs and Suns will be pissed next year.

That being said, this won't be a very entertaining series. Jerry Sloan is good for one win, but that'll be about it. Which completely ruins our Utah-Detroit DJ Jazzy Jeff vs. the Fresh Prince theme.

San Antonio in Five

And now, our end of the season NBA awards, along with our preseason picks, who we voted for in the end, and the actual winners:

Rookie of the Year: LeMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trail Blazers -- who promptly got hurt.
who we voted for: Brandon Roy, Portland Trail Blazers
who won: Roy

Coach of the Year: We don't make a preseason pick
who we voted for: Avery Johnson, Dallas Mavericks
who won: Sam Mitchell, Toronto Raptors

Sixth Man: No pick
who we voted for: Leandro Barbosa, Phoenix Suns
who won: Barbosa

Most Improved : No pick
who we voted for: Kevin Martin, Sacramento Kings
who won: Monta Ellis, Golden State Warriors

Defensive Player of the Year: No pick
who we voted for: Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns
who won: Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets

Executive of the Year: No pick
who we voted for: Bryan Colangelo, (it's his daughter -- hey, you try finding a pithy pun for
'Colangelo'), Toronto Raptors
(for his work here AND in the rape of Atlanta that is still paying dividends
for his former employer, the Suns)
who won: Colangelo, (the other daughter) though there was no mention of rape in the press release.

Most Valuable Player: No pick
who we voted for: Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
who won: Nowitzki

Until next time,

Paz

And no, we won't EVEN go into what came up when googling Pissed-on.