...while wondering what ever happened to Chris Palmer

So another NFL season ends and with it, another failed Cleveland Browns campaign. And another failed coaching tenure. Owner Randy Lerner beat us to the Romeo Must Die punch(line) by canning the head coach on Monday. And while we're not typically fans of firing the coach simply because you can't fire the players, in this case it was warranted. The arc of the last three years has seen the Browns be horrible on offense but good on defense in 2006, fantastic on offense and mediocre on defense in 2007 and back to anemic on offense and decent on defense in 2008. That points to a head coach in over his head, who focuses on the fire at hand, while the rest of Rome burns. His greatest accomplishment while in Cleveland was the 2006 breakout, All-Pro season of quarterback Derek Anderson. But even that was not of Romeo Crennel's doing. He had chosen Charlie Frye as the team's Week 1 starter, only to have him traded to Seattle the following Tuesday. So in essence, he chose a third-string quarterback on a dreadful Seahawks team over a guy who went to the Pro Bowl. He should have been termed last year, but the 10-6 mirage finish against a last-place schedule saved his job. The predictable 4-11 followup could not be explained away and Crennel and GM Phil Savage are out. And the outlook? This is our future...But enough about them, it's playoff time in the NFL! Here's a look at where our hearts, then our minds, see the postseason going:

As our longtime readers know, when the playoffs come and our team is on the outside looking in (which is pretty much always), we revert to our Political Convention strategy, whereby we decide who is the most palatable of the remaining candidates after our guy (or in the case of this year's real-world campaign, girl) is out. Then we rank who's left.

In inverse order:

12 Baltimore Ravens. Not even close. This city bitches and whines about having their, "beloved Colts (who they didn't even fill the stadium for their last three years in Maryland) being stolen away in the middle of the night", only to do the same damned thing to the people of Cleveland a decade later. A city of hypocrites. The only thing we hope for more than a blowout loss is a gut-wrenching triple-overtime loss. Screw you, Baltimore.

11 Pittsburgh Steelers. C'mon, we're Browns fans. We can't ever, ever root for Pittsburgh. Except when they play Baltimore.

10 Atlanta Falcons. We're pretty fan-centric here at Scattershooting and the fans are what put the Falcons this low, despite a fairytale season that has pretty much everyone in the league feeling good for the Falcs. But make no mistake -- Atlanta, Georgia is the absolute worst sports city in the nation. These people have absolutely no loyalty to their clubs, exhibit only slightly better knowledge of their teams and do not support their teams unless they are winning, and winning big. And even then, their love is fleeting. Example: back in the late 1980's, a couple of friends and I were able to walk up to the ticket window on Opening Day, and get four seats to the Braves/L.A. Dodgers game, like ten rows from the field. On opening day. From 1991-2005, the Braves won 14 consecutive division titles. Their average attendance jumped from 12,1010 in 1990 to a peak of over 47,000 in 1997, their first year in the smaller Turner Field. But all those division titles, with only one World Series title to go with, saw their attendance gradually taper off to as low as 35,531 in 2005. And they won the division that year! This year -- just three seasons removed from their most-recent division title, the Atlanta Braves had the fourth-lowest attendance in the National League. And let's not forget -- this is the only city in North American history to have one of it's teams move to Canada. We're happy to see Mike Turner do well on his own. And we're big fans of Matt Ryan's game. And after the hell that Arthur Blank (separated at birth?) has been through these past two years, we're glad to see the one of our favorite owners see some success. But the Atlanta fans don't deserve anything else out of this Cinderella season.

9 Minnesota Vikings. Does anyone really like this team? They're just kind of there. We don't dislike them. We just don't care about them. Skatterkid once asked, "what do armadillos do?". "Well, honey", we replied, "they get hit by cars." And it's kind of the same with the Minnesota Vikings. What do they do? They lose in the playoffs. Go 15-1, lose in the first round. Go 8-8 and sneak in, pretty much the same result. Besides, they play in a room, on a rug. Real men play outside, on grass. If he's dead, Bud Grant is turning in his grave.

8 Indianapolis Colts. OK, so we're over our whole "Peyton Manning is Overrated" thing. We're still not crazy about the Colts though. They did, after all steal their team in the middle of the night. And while we applaud their move out of a dome, they still pay on a rug. Is real grass too much to ask? And they keep the roof closed in the winter, so they might as well be in a dome. And we hate Reggie Miller. So there.

7 New York Giants. We're from Philly. So by definition we hate the NYC. Besides, they won it last year. The only thing more annoying than a New Yorker is a New Yorker talking dynasty.

6 Miami Dolphins. We usually wouldn't rank a Cinderella so high, figuring asking for anything more would be greedy. But we have much love for Big Bill and would not be opposed to a postseason win or two for the Dolphins. (you're welcome, Mike)

5 Carolina Panthers. The first of three "home" teams to make the playoffs. We lived in Columbia, South Carolina for seven years. The really weird thing is though, no one there seems to be a Panthers fan. Now maybe it's because we're all older than the franchise and alternate allegiances had been formed. As fate would have it, many of my friends from those days are childless, so I am unable to test that theory. Longtime buddy Jake, of West Columbia, detests the Panthers, claiming there was an original promise to house the team in Rock Hill, (73-31) just south of the border. In exchange for building the stadium in the Palmetto State and naming the team after both Carolinas, South Carolina agreed to kick in some tax money. The promise was reneged upon and the team built their new stadium in downtown Charlotte. Whether that's true or not and whether that is the reason for the seeming apathy of the Columbians, we don't know. The team does play 90 miles away though. It would be like expecting someone in Los Angeles to root for a team in, say, Anaheim, just because you named it the Los Angeles Angels of Anah...Oops. Nevermind.

4 Arizona Cardinals. Now this team appears to violate two of our principal rules of fandom: they stole another city's team and their fans haven't suffered enough, after initial success. When we look further though, those don't really apply. The Cardinals would never have been stolen from St. Louis had St. Louis not stolen the Cardinals from Chicago. (you're welcome LeRoy)Besides, with the St. Louis Rams' Super Bowl championship of 1999, Phoenix's debt for that transgression was absolved. As for the suffering, while it is technically true that the Cardinals have not suffered any playoff heartbreak, have not made baby steps to the big table, there can be no denying that these people have suffered. They had not won their division since 1975. Harry Truman was in diapers the last time they won a playoff game. OK, that was an exaggeration. But still.

3 Tennessee Titans. Not to go all Larry Brown on you here, but this organization does things the right way. Sure they bolted from Houston. But Houston was not supporting the Oilers -- and they've since gotten a replacement team. So we have no problem with that. Jeff Fisher is one of our favorites. He's approaching Jerry Sloan territory in terms of tenure, yet this team is never too high, never too low. They play solid fundamentals and their fans support them well. And as a bonus, they dumped Pacman Jones on the Cowboys, adding to their season of Hell. That's always good for a bump in our rankings.

2 & 1 The place we grew up vs the place we most enjoyed living. The city that, as much as we fight it, probably had more to do with who we are today vs the place where we rediscovered our self, the place we were our best self. We can bandy about all kinds of comparisons, but in the end, we gotta go with Mom, right?

2. San Diego Chargers. Living proof that Los Angeles doesn't need an NFL team. They don't get restricted by living in an NFL market and the draconian broadcasting rules that go with that, yet just have to zip down the 5 if they want to see a team in person. We like the Bolts. We managed a hotel in Ft. Worth when Ladainian Tomlinson was at TCU and we've had love for Marty Schottenheimer since his days in Cleveland. Add in genuine good guy Drew Brees at qb and we were content to have the Chargers as our home team. Now, Marty Drew and your humble scribe have all moved on, but the Bolts brought back the old school white helmets and baby blues, and LT keeps chugging along. They will never win a Super Bowl with Norv Turner --the NFL's Flip Saunders-- at the helm, but we have a lot of friends in SoCal who are very happy to see their team in the playoffs. For them, San Diego is the remaining team we would second-most like to see win it all. (you're welcome Familia Escobedo)

1. Philadelphia Eagles. Oh Donavan, we love you. When we don't hate you. Andy, you're a genius. When you're not the Worst Coach in the History of Organized Sport. And so it goes when you are a professional sports franchise in the City of Brotherly Love. Yes, they threw snowballs at Santa Claus. Yes, admitting he was one of the culprits once gained Ed Rendell votes when he ran for mayor and later governor. But we've said it before and we will say it again: there may be 65,000 fans booing the home team at a game in Philadelphia, but there are 65,000 fans booing the home team at a game in Philadelphia. These people are loyal. And very rarely is that loyalty rewarded on the field, court or ice. Good omen for the Birds: the last time the Phillies won the World Series, the Eagles made it to the Super Bowl. Here's hoping. For Mom, ya know. E-A-G-L-E-S -- EAGLES!

But how is it really going to go down? Our predictions:

WILD CARD GAMES

Cardinals over Falcons
Colts over Chargers
Ravens over Dolphins
Eagles over Vikings

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFF

Titans over Ravens
Panthers over Cardinals
Eagles over Giants
Steelers over Colts

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

Titans over Steelers
Eagles over Panthers

SUPER BOWL XLIII

Tennessee Titans over Philadelphia Eagles.

Until next time,
Paz

...while wondering what ever happened to Lee Iacocca

**Editor's note: We're not sure what happened to the NBA Preview, World Series and Election Recap editions, but we will hunt down the backups and repost soon.


You're killing us, Bloggo -- killing us. Rod Blagojevich has long been a friend of the blog. We've given him props for increasing services while reducing taxes, for effectively maneuvering his way through bare-kuckles Prarie State politics and for being a key force in the suspension of the state-sanctioned murder of prisoners in Illinois. But dude -- c'mon. This is where we get off. Look, we have absolutely no problem with him trying to make a deal with the President-Elect's folks -- or even Barack Obama himself, although there's no evidence or insinuation even, of that. In fact, we feel Obama should definitely have a say in choosing who fills his senate seat. The people of Illinois elected Barack Obama to the Unites States Senate. It would stand to reason that one would want to fill the position with someone of similar ideology to the person the people originally chose. So that part of it is ok by us. Back-room dealings are part and parcel of United States politics. If not, then how is a woman with absolutley no political experience at all about to become the junior senator from New York? We'll get to her in a minute. For now, back to Bloggs. What we do have a problem with is the Governor's attempts to outright sell the seat to the highest bidder. With holding back money to a children's hospital until he received a "donation". With being so damned arrogant about it. And that's a shame, because he did do a lot of good. Very little of that will be remembered now...So let's get this right -- congress mans up, tells the UAW, "take it or leave it", the UAW says "leave it" and congress calls the bluff. wooHOO! Thank you Republican minority!! Joy reigns in Mudville. There will be no bailout. The bottom line was that the union would not agree to bring labor costs in line with foreign competitors by 2012. Really. They wouldn't agree to stop paying a dude $35 an hour to perform a simple task. Hell, Gopher could handle simple tasks. And we doubt he brought home big jing. The UAW wouldn't agree to getting rid of the job bank, which pays laid-off workers 90% of their salary. 90%! For people that do not work there anymore! So congress says, OK, you don't want to play by the rules we laid out, screw you. But don't come bitching to us when all your workers lose their jobs and -- more importantly to you(A.W.) -- they stop paying dues to you. We have a long and well-documented practice of union-bashing her at Scattershooting, and this is precisely why. The Detroit automakers are a mess because of the UAW, not in spite of it. The United Auto Workers union has destroyed an entire industry and rather than fix the system, so that workers can keep jobs and companies can make money, they continue to go for the jugular. Good on Congress for putting an end to the madness. Congress did the right thing. Yes, we actually wrote that. Bankruptcy reorganization is precisely what the auto industry needs. It gets the unions and idiot Big Three executives out of the picture, allows a judge to set up a structure whereby the entity can be profitable, allows the companies to regroup and, theoretically, come back stronger than ever. By throwing more money at the problem, we only perpetuate it. And more alarmingly, we reinforce what will be the strongest legacy of the Bush II presidency: no one is responsible and no one can fail. Make a bad business decision? No worries, we'll bail you out. Buy more house than you can afford? We'll rework the mortgage. Start a war you really didn't need to? (OK, there's really no excuse for that one). But this is what we are left with from these eight years. Proponents of the auto bailout had two main arguments. The first was that if any of the Big Three collapsed, it would plunge the country into a depression. Not true. People will not stop buying GMC, Ford or Chrysler cars if they go into bankruptcy reorganization. The parts will still be available and the warranties will still be honored and we all know that. So the "ripple" effect of suppliers all going out of business is simply not true. But what if it was? We still say let them go bankrupt. If our entire economy is being propped up with smoke and mirrors, then things like this bailout are only delaying the inevitable. For what? So our kids can deal with it? We call bullshit on that. WE are the generation that wanted more house than we can afford; WE are the generation that allowed Wall Street to run amok. WE should be the ones to bite the bullet and ride this thing out. It remains our belief that the economy of our nation is an organic entity that will adapt and adjust and that the events of the last several months are completely normal. Values were overinflated and the bill had to come due. It's time to pay up. But the help should not go to the irresponsible people who got themselves in trouble. So that means not help for you, homeowners. You signed the mortgage. Can't afford it? Move into a smaller house. Or an apartment. Or a shelter. But why should we have to bail you out, giving you immediate relief, then allowing you to keep the equity that we put into a house you were too dumb to read the mortgage on? That's what lawyers are for. And as we've said before -- if you can't afford a couple of hundred bucks to pay an attorney to read the fine print, you can't afford the damned house. But that these people are somehow owed a handout is precisely what will be argued. Because the second argument the pro-auto-bailout folks cried was, "you bailed out these huge banks, so we want ours". Where does it stop? You know where. Right at your front door. Because we guaran-damn-tee you that we will not all be receiving a bailout check. No, we just get the bill. For once, congress did the right thing by saying no. Then the president stepped in. We've really tried to be fair to W. Hell, we voted for him the first time. But he just keeps fucking us...Karma, meet Orenthal; Orenthal, meet Karma...The suspected murderer of Adam Walsh was identified this week. He had died in prison in 1996. While it brings a form of closure to the family, not being able to see him convicted must make for a shallow victory. But with what John Walsh has subsequently accomplished, in his being the primary force for the creation of the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, we wonder: how many of us can claim to be responsible for as much good as Adam could, in his six short years? At times of tragedy we like to tell one another that the Lord works in mysterious ways. When on the receiving end of those words, it is hard to see it. But looking back all these years later, the argument can be made that through Adam Walsh's murder, and his parents' agony, the world is a safer, better place. Strange ways, indeed...David Patterson was in a tough spot. As the Governor of New York, he is tasked with replacing Hillary Clinton in the United States Senate, when she leaves to become Secretary of State in the Obama administration. And it was shaping up to be a difficult decision. On one hand, there was state Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, Mario's kid. On the other, the pressure to name a woman to replace a woman. Or an African American to replace the seat Obama vacated, because who knows what the hell is going to happen in Illinois. Or any of the other heavyweights who were sure to belly up to the bar. Then came a Golden Opportunity. And he's going to take it. Dude's not blind. OK, he is blind. But still. It's the perfect out for a coward too weak to make a choice: You have a Kennedy, you go with the Kennedy. Any Kennedy. Nevermind that the woman has never run for, let alone held, elective office. Nevermind the fact that the Democrats just repudiated Hills in her bid for the party's nomination -- primarily to avoid the perpetuation of the Bush-Clinton-Bush "legacy" presidencies. Nevermind that the party just got done savaging Sarah Palin for her supposed inexperience -- and she'd been both a mayor and a governor. No, just discard all that and name a Kennedy. It's the easy way out. And disappointingly, Patterson is going to take it...We've been intentionally silent, for the most part, on the Caylee Anthony saga, mostly because we're just disgusted with the sensationalizing of people's genuine suffering. Still, we are absolutely appalled by the knowledge that not one, but two different people called in tips to the police, to search the exact area where the child was found. Appalled. Now, we get that every nutjob in the state of Florida probably called in a "tip". But c'mon, two people? The same spot? It's not like the cops weren't working with computer databases that actually match things like this up. Or that it wasn't a mere couple of hundred yards from the child's house. Besides, one of the callers was the same guy who called it in a third time, after he finally picked up the suspicious bag he had called in months earlier, only to have a human skull roll out. Think about that. That guy has to live with that sight for the rest of his life, because someone was too lazy or stupid to do their job. Firing everyone involved -- now that is change we can believe in...And a final thought on the election season of 2008. Lost in all the history made by the election of Barack Obama is what Hillary Clinton did. When people talk about Sarah Palin and 2012, they are talking about whether she has the experience, whether she'll make good policy, whether basically, she will make a good president. Not one mainstream outlet is questioning whether a woman can win. And that is an amazing change. One long overdue. Will Obama be good for the country? Only time will tell. But whatever happens in the next four years, we are a better country for the events of the last one.

Until next time,
Paz

and remember -- Free O.J. (but the vodka will cost you)