...while wondering what ever happened to Ozzie Canseco

First some housekeephing issues:

Geniuses that we are, we posted the draft of the last issue, deleting the finished product. As a result, there were several items left out and several that went to press unedited. Rest assured the staff (of one) has been properly admonished.

The most glaring omission from the last post was the counter-reference to Jimmy Hoffa in the title. Suffice it to say the end product contained much glee over the impending doom of the AFL/CIO. Labor unions in this country were instrumental in securing safe workplaces with fair wages at a time when neither was to be had for the common worker, but as is human nature, they went too far. As institutions, they got greedy; as individuals, their leaders got corrupt. I watched entire towns in Pennsylvania collapse in the 1980's because the local mill closed down and I guarantee you, none of those bastards running the unions missed a meal...At the bottom of the last post was this unidentified picture. it is of Hoffa addressing a convention. You can't tell it's him, but artistically, it's a beautiful photograph...The final item is regarding the nuclear power plant rant. In the final edit, we voiced displeasure over the comparative lack of funding and attention to nuclear power plant safety. The essence of the entry however, remains unchanged. Let it not be said we lack respect for all viewpoints, however. For another take, read this, courtesy of reader Eric.

Onward...


The Idiot of the Week award wasn't even close this time. Christine Dawn Burke, of Georgia has been charged with giving beer to a teenager, then allowing him to drive her car. Wait, it gets better. She gave the teen -- and his three buddies -- the beer so they could mourn the loss of a friend recently killed in a car crash. "Hey, I know, guys! Why don't you go drink and drive to get over 'ol Tommy?!" The four teenagers are, of course, in the hospital after getting in a car wreck...Jose Canseco's not looking like a liar so much, now is he? Rafael Palmiero did his absolute best Bill Clinton in front of congress, stabbing his finger into the air, boldly proclaiming, "I did not have relations with that steroid!" Lo and behold, he tests positive. That's what he gets for leaving the Rangers. And for being an idiot. I mean seriously, you know they're looking. Why would you take anything not prescribed by your physician, unless you are cheating?...Updating an item from last week, the Padres finally traded Phil Nevin, netting Pitcher Chan Ho Park from the Texas Rangers just before the deadline. Park promptly went out and gave up 7 runs on 8 hits in 4 1/3 innings, picking up the loss in his NL return...Am I the only one who finds it awfully convenient for one Barry Bonds to sit the whole season out? Wouldn't want anyone to notice those before and after and after that pics, now would he? And he gets to come back next season and blame the certain dropoff in statistics on being gone a whole year. Funny, but in 1942, Ted Williams hit .356, with 36 HR and 137 RBI. The he took off three years and fought a war. Teddy Ballgame came back in '46 and hit .342, with 38 jacks and 123 RBI...The 35th Bassmaster Classic was held recently in Pittsburgh. Yes, that Pittsburgh. Looks like the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers are doing well these days. Of course, it is still Pittsburgh. When asked about his strategy going into the Classic, 41 year-old bass pro Doug Beck said, "The train bridges are the best, because every time a train goes over the bridge it shakes the pillars and the bait around the pillars gets all stirred up. When the trains are running, the fish are biting."...Lacy Peterson went missing and it was an instantaneous national drama, with coverage dominating news and info-tainment outlets for months. Natalee Hollaway vanishes in Alabamaruba and gets the same treatment. Now a couple honeymooning in the Caribbean dissappear and they too are splashed across the national stage immediately. LaToyia Figueroa is missing also, but there's a very good chance you don't know her name. Why? Because in the first three scenarios, the missing person was an attractive, white female. LaToyia is black. And it was not until seventeen days after her dissapearance that any national attention was given to the missing pregnant woman from Philadelphia. But the networks would have you believe that race plays no part in what stories are aired. When asked about the disparity of coverage between pretty white females (over half of the people currently missing in the United States are male, over a third black), CNN's Nancy Grace said, "Race plays no part. We follow the story; we go where it goes". And she presumably said that with a straight face. 215.686.3334. There's a $10,000 reward for information on LaToyia's whereabouts. (215.686.3334) Cleck here for an interesting commentary on the disparity issue, recorded in May of this year, some two months before Figueroa's dissapearance...What is Joe Johnson thinking? The Atlanta Hawks offered him $70 million to come play for them. His current employer, the Phoenix Suns matched. Johnson asked them not to. Huh? Same money, but he chose the only team the Clippers look forward to beating up on over one that made it to the Western Conference Finals last season? Hey Joe, crack kills, man. espn.com's Bill Simmons had this take on Johnson's decision:

There are few places where one can say the money isn't worth it under any circumstances. You can justify $70 million in Seattle, Portland, Los Angeles, Sacramento, Phoenix, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Denver, Utah, Minnesota, Memphis, Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, Indiana, New York, New Jersey, Orlando, Miami, Milwaukee, Philadelphia, Toronto and Washington.

You need more for Charlotte and Golden State, say $80 million, because the Hornets are new and the Warriors have been so irrelevant for so long.

New Orleans, $90 million, because the owners are such incurable whack jobs.

But Atlanta? Horrible. From Phoenix? Inexcusable. Hell, $70 million is chump change, for the simple reason that you are going from a team on the come to a team players have been willing to sharpen a spoon and tunnel through cement to escape.

Classic. I could not have said it better myself...Luis Diaz walked out of a Florida pennitentiary this week, freed on DNA evidence, after 26 years behind bars. Remember him the next time you vote for a pro-death penalty candidate...Sarah Scantlin woke up and began speaking six months ago, after lying immobile and uncommunicative in a nursing home bed for over twenty years. And while her case is different from Terri Schiavo's, remember that the next time you hear about them wanting to pull the plug on someone...And finally, ah Hunter Kelly, we hardly knew ye...Until next time,
Paz