...while wondering what ever happened to Joey Buttafuoco

So a man gets hired at the local middle school and promptly starts an affair with one of his female seventh grade students. He has sex with her in the classroom, his house and in a car while one of her friends drives. People find out. What happens to him? What should? Tell me then, what the hell is Debra LaFave doing sitting in the comfort of her Florida home for the next 3 years, under "house arrest", followed by seven years of probation, for doing the exact same thing to her very underage male student? Why is that ok?...After a near decade-long drought, new Billy Joel music has arrived -- sort of. Joel has released My Lives, a four cd/one dvd collection of mostly unreleased material, demos, alternate versions and covers, with a few quality album tracks sprinkled in. The dvd is from 1993's River of Dreams Tour and was filmed in Frankfurt, Germany. In the liner notes, Joel says, "If I were exposed only to the material of mine that has been played on the radio, I don't think I'd be a Billy Joel fan." With this compilation, he has endeavored to show his progression as an artist, from his early bar band days with The Lost Souls and The Hassles, through his starving artist days and struggle to climb the 70's rock charts, to his pinnacle in the 80's and his current classical phase. Will it make you a Billy Joel fan if you're not one? No. Will you walk away from it with a greater appreciation for him as an artist? It would be impossible not to. As the casual fan is not going to lay down fifty bucks for a box set, we recommend downloading the following: Money or Love (the first single from the set), Every Step I Take (Every Move I make) with The Hassles, These Rhinestone Days (later became I've Loved These Days), Only the Good Die Young (demo - reggae version), House of Blue Light (B-side, never put on an album), Highway 61 Revisited (Dylan cover), I'll Cry Instead (Beatles cover) and Eligy - The Great Peconic (as performed by the London Symphony Orchestra)...Hey Michael Irvin -- crack kills...The Philadelphia Eagles have no one to blame but themselves. Is Terrell Owens an ass? Yes. Is this a revelation to anyone? At all? I mean c'mon, he publicly called into question the sexual orientation of the quarterback of his last team (though seeing first-hand how Jeff Garcia played the following season in Cleveland -- but I digress). The guy is a jerk, but the Birds got what they wanted out of the deal: a legitimate shot at a ring. It didn't work out. It didn't for 30 other teams last season either. What I'd like to see now though is Jeffrey Lourie to go hockey owner on TO: eat the $5M, pick up his option fornext year and tell him to shut the hell up and play or be suspended another year without pay. God I love hockey owners...Speaking of owners, Mark Cuban has been rebuffed in his most recent attempt to buy the Pittsburgh Pirates. Bad for baseball, bad for Pittsburgh, but we're still happy. A) being a Browns fan, I hate all things Pittsburgh, fans included; and B) If he owned the Bucs, he'd by definition be distracted from the Mavs. We can't have that...Thank you for retiring, Doug Cristie. Being a founding member of the "if this guy ever becomes a Mav I don't know what the hell I am going to do" club, (along with Gary Payton, Karla Malone, John Starks and Scottie the Sidekick), your signing this summer was quite distressing. Then you came out wearing Stevie Wonder's old number and I about lost my mind. Thankfully, you're not man enough to play with a little pain. And as bonus, as your replacement, Dallas signed one of our favorites, Adrian Griffin to return to the club, after a two-year hiatus in Houston and Chicago...NBA Coach of the Month for November? That'd be Avery Johnson, whose squad became the first to defeat all four of the previous season's Conference Finalists in the first month, since the 1948 Hawks. The St. Louis Hawks...As for this year's version, this Saturday night could have been one for the ages, pitting the winless Atlanta Hawks against the equally futile Toronto Raptors. Alas, a few wins last week ruined that perfect storm of ineptitude. Still, I'll bet there were a few seats to be had. (The visiting Raps won 102-101.) Because we know you care...Congratulations to Michael Sessions, the new mayor of Hillsdale, MI, who defeated incumbent Doug Ingles by 57 votes, in a hotly-contested election. Sessions will only be able to work part-time as head of the town though, as he is still a high school senior. If only Pine Ridge, SC would have needed a mayor back in 1987. Think of the damage that could have been done...Folks. Enough. Look, if it's December, there are people lined up along the sides of the street, they are singing songs, there are reindeer, kids are going nuts, parents are freezing there arses off so the kids can go nuts and everyone's pretty much being a little nicer than they usually are -- it's a freaking Christmas Parade!!!!!!!! Not a "Winter Holiday Fest". Not a "Snow Days" celebration, or whatever other euphemism you want to put on it. Christmas. If it has nothing to do with Christmas, why is it not held in February? Enough with the political correctness. A town holding a Christmas parade/celebration/festival in no way violates the civil rights of anyone. Give it a rest. If you really want to find true injustice within our society, it is readily prevalent. The funny thing is, most of the times someone is up in arms and running to court over these things, it's not a Jew or Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist. It's some wacko from the ACLU who has his head so far up his ass he can't see that the message that is sent throughout the Christmas season (outside of Wal-Mart, that is), is one of hope, joy and love, things no one is against, regardless of creed...We've been gone for a few weeks, so this is a tad dated, but the Quote of the Week goes to David Letterman: "Every night people go out and go crazy all over France. Last night over 600 cars were set on fire. 600 cars! But the good news is that the rioters saved over 15% by switching to Geico."...Math update: Number of dead US service personnel since operations began in Iraq - appx.2000. Number permanently wounded - 5,000+. Number of WMD's found - 0.

BRING. THEM. HOME

...And finally, after the season's first month, our Updated NBA Power Rankings, as of 3 December:

*Formula: The committee (of one) takes into account not only record, but record compared to expectations, quality of competition, injuries, attitudes and trends. All ties go against teams we don't like.

Now (November 1)

30 (29) Toronto Raptors -- Beat the ATL, scared Dallas, but this team is still just awful
29 (28) Atlanta Hawks -- Harrington gearing up for a huge (contract) season
28 (6) Houston Rockets -- T-Mac, Sura injuries not an excuse. Look for deals - soon.
27 (13) New York Knicks -- LB's new squad slow to catch on, but they always are.
26 (22) Utah Jazz -- Williams better than we expected, rest of team not.
25 (27) Charlotte Bobcats -- Bumped this high by default. They've stepped back a bit.
24 (25) Portland Trail Blazers -- Nate laying down the law, Blazers laying down like dogs.
23 (19) Los Angeles Lakers -- Kobe-on-5 is not going to win many games.
22 (18) Boston Celtics -- Have you seen those hideous alternate jerseys?!?
21 (14) Washington Wizards -- Decent start followed by hard stumble. Next month vital.
20 (11) Sacramento Kings -- No injuries, just not as much talent as we're used to here.
19 (5) Denver Nuggets -- Talented but thin team could na'er afford Nêne loss.
18 (23) Seattle SuperSonics -- Moribund (expected) start salvaged by recent (unexpected) spurt.
17 (20) New Jersey Nets -- With their talent, should be doing more in the East.
16 (26) Orlando Magic -- First winning month in over two years.
15 (30) New Orleans/OKC Hornets -- Is it too early to anoint a "feel good team"? Probably.
14 (24) Minnesota Timberwolves -- Bad teams win early and late. It's early. And they're bad.
13 (10) Phoenix Suns -- League's hottest team holding down the .500 fort w/out Amare.
12 (12) Golden State Warriors -- Young team with a lot of expectations living up so far.
11 (15) Milwaukee Bucks -- Bogut's the real deal.
10 (21) Philadelphia 76'ers -- A.I. playing like a kid again, C-Web fitting in.
9 (9) Chicago Bulls - A very businesslike Bulls team. Sound familiar?
8 (2) Indiana Pacers -- Just waiting for Artest to explode -- in a good way.
7 (4) Miami Heat -- Got through first 'Toine/J-Will drama of the season in tact.
6 (16) Los Angeles Clippers -- Clips will not stay here all season, but a solid start.
5 (7) Cleveland Cavaliers -- LBJ making the most of his new playmates.
4 (17) Memphis Grizzlies -- Logo's new collection gelling well. It must be Pao's beard.
3 (8) Dallas Mavericks -- Three weeks without J-Ho will be telling.
2 (1 ) San Antonio Spurs -- Rising above early injuries to Manu, Fin
1 (3) Detroit Pistons -- Out to prove it wasn't all LB. So far so good.

Until next time,

Paz.