...while wondering what ever happened to Chris Palmer

So another NFL season ends and with it, another failed Cleveland Browns campaign. And another failed coaching tenure. Owner Randy Lerner beat us to the Romeo Must Die punch(line) by canning the head coach on Monday. And while we're not typically fans of firing the coach simply because you can't fire the players, in this case it was warranted. The arc of the last three years has seen the Browns be horrible on offense but good on defense in 2006, fantastic on offense and mediocre on defense in 2007 and back to anemic on offense and decent on defense in 2008. That points to a head coach in over his head, who focuses on the fire at hand, while the rest of Rome burns. His greatest accomplishment while in Cleveland was the 2006 breakout, All-Pro season of quarterback Derek Anderson. But even that was not of Romeo Crennel's doing. He had chosen Charlie Frye as the team's Week 1 starter, only to have him traded to Seattle the following Tuesday. So in essence, he chose a third-string quarterback on a dreadful Seahawks team over a guy who went to the Pro Bowl. He should have been termed last year, but the 10-6 mirage finish against a last-place schedule saved his job. The predictable 4-11 followup could not be explained away and Crennel and GM Phil Savage are out. And the outlook? This is our future...But enough about them, it's playoff time in the NFL! Here's a look at where our hearts, then our minds, see the postseason going:

As our longtime readers know, when the playoffs come and our team is on the outside looking in (which is pretty much always), we revert to our Political Convention strategy, whereby we decide who is the most palatable of the remaining candidates after our guy (or in the case of this year's real-world campaign, girl) is out. Then we rank who's left.

In inverse order:

12 Baltimore Ravens. Not even close. This city bitches and whines about having their, "beloved Colts (who they didn't even fill the stadium for their last three years in Maryland) being stolen away in the middle of the night", only to do the same damned thing to the people of Cleveland a decade later. A city of hypocrites. The only thing we hope for more than a blowout loss is a gut-wrenching triple-overtime loss. Screw you, Baltimore.

11 Pittsburgh Steelers. C'mon, we're Browns fans. We can't ever, ever root for Pittsburgh. Except when they play Baltimore.

10 Atlanta Falcons. We're pretty fan-centric here at Scattershooting and the fans are what put the Falcons this low, despite a fairytale season that has pretty much everyone in the league feeling good for the Falcs. But make no mistake -- Atlanta, Georgia is the absolute worst sports city in the nation. These people have absolutely no loyalty to their clubs, exhibit only slightly better knowledge of their teams and do not support their teams unless they are winning, and winning big. And even then, their love is fleeting. Example: back in the late 1980's, a couple of friends and I were able to walk up to the ticket window on Opening Day, and get four seats to the Braves/L.A. Dodgers game, like ten rows from the field. On opening day. From 1991-2005, the Braves won 14 consecutive division titles. Their average attendance jumped from 12,1010 in 1990 to a peak of over 47,000 in 1997, their first year in the smaller Turner Field. But all those division titles, with only one World Series title to go with, saw their attendance gradually taper off to as low as 35,531 in 2005. And they won the division that year! This year -- just three seasons removed from their most-recent division title, the Atlanta Braves had the fourth-lowest attendance in the National League. And let's not forget -- this is the only city in North American history to have one of it's teams move to Canada. We're happy to see Mike Turner do well on his own. And we're big fans of Matt Ryan's game. And after the hell that Arthur Blank (separated at birth?) has been through these past two years, we're glad to see the one of our favorite owners see some success. But the Atlanta fans don't deserve anything else out of this Cinderella season.

9 Minnesota Vikings. Does anyone really like this team? They're just kind of there. We don't dislike them. We just don't care about them. Skatterkid once asked, "what do armadillos do?". "Well, honey", we replied, "they get hit by cars." And it's kind of the same with the Minnesota Vikings. What do they do? They lose in the playoffs. Go 15-1, lose in the first round. Go 8-8 and sneak in, pretty much the same result. Besides, they play in a room, on a rug. Real men play outside, on grass. If he's dead, Bud Grant is turning in his grave.

8 Indianapolis Colts. OK, so we're over our whole "Peyton Manning is Overrated" thing. We're still not crazy about the Colts though. They did, after all steal their team in the middle of the night. And while we applaud their move out of a dome, they still pay on a rug. Is real grass too much to ask? And they keep the roof closed in the winter, so they might as well be in a dome. And we hate Reggie Miller. So there.

7 New York Giants. We're from Philly. So by definition we hate the NYC. Besides, they won it last year. The only thing more annoying than a New Yorker is a New Yorker talking dynasty.

6 Miami Dolphins. We usually wouldn't rank a Cinderella so high, figuring asking for anything more would be greedy. But we have much love for Big Bill and would not be opposed to a postseason win or two for the Dolphins. (you're welcome, Mike)

5 Carolina Panthers. The first of three "home" teams to make the playoffs. We lived in Columbia, South Carolina for seven years. The really weird thing is though, no one there seems to be a Panthers fan. Now maybe it's because we're all older than the franchise and alternate allegiances had been formed. As fate would have it, many of my friends from those days are childless, so I am unable to test that theory. Longtime buddy Jake, of West Columbia, detests the Panthers, claiming there was an original promise to house the team in Rock Hill, (73-31) just south of the border. In exchange for building the stadium in the Palmetto State and naming the team after both Carolinas, South Carolina agreed to kick in some tax money. The promise was reneged upon and the team built their new stadium in downtown Charlotte. Whether that's true or not and whether that is the reason for the seeming apathy of the Columbians, we don't know. The team does play 90 miles away though. It would be like expecting someone in Los Angeles to root for a team in, say, Anaheim, just because you named it the Los Angeles Angels of Anah...Oops. Nevermind.

4 Arizona Cardinals. Now this team appears to violate two of our principal rules of fandom: they stole another city's team and their fans haven't suffered enough, after initial success. When we look further though, those don't really apply. The Cardinals would never have been stolen from St. Louis had St. Louis not stolen the Cardinals from Chicago. (you're welcome LeRoy)Besides, with the St. Louis Rams' Super Bowl championship of 1999, Phoenix's debt for that transgression was absolved. As for the suffering, while it is technically true that the Cardinals have not suffered any playoff heartbreak, have not made baby steps to the big table, there can be no denying that these people have suffered. They had not won their division since 1975. Harry Truman was in diapers the last time they won a playoff game. OK, that was an exaggeration. But still.

3 Tennessee Titans. Not to go all Larry Brown on you here, but this organization does things the right way. Sure they bolted from Houston. But Houston was not supporting the Oilers -- and they've since gotten a replacement team. So we have no problem with that. Jeff Fisher is one of our favorites. He's approaching Jerry Sloan territory in terms of tenure, yet this team is never too high, never too low. They play solid fundamentals and their fans support them well. And as a bonus, they dumped Pacman Jones on the Cowboys, adding to their season of Hell. That's always good for a bump in our rankings.

2 & 1 The place we grew up vs the place we most enjoyed living. The city that, as much as we fight it, probably had more to do with who we are today vs the place where we rediscovered our self, the place we were our best self. We can bandy about all kinds of comparisons, but in the end, we gotta go with Mom, right?

2. San Diego Chargers. Living proof that Los Angeles doesn't need an NFL team. They don't get restricted by living in an NFL market and the draconian broadcasting rules that go with that, yet just have to zip down the 5 if they want to see a team in person. We like the Bolts. We managed a hotel in Ft. Worth when Ladainian Tomlinson was at TCU and we've had love for Marty Schottenheimer since his days in Cleveland. Add in genuine good guy Drew Brees at qb and we were content to have the Chargers as our home team. Now, Marty Drew and your humble scribe have all moved on, but the Bolts brought back the old school white helmets and baby blues, and LT keeps chugging along. They will never win a Super Bowl with Norv Turner --the NFL's Flip Saunders-- at the helm, but we have a lot of friends in SoCal who are very happy to see their team in the playoffs. For them, San Diego is the remaining team we would second-most like to see win it all. (you're welcome Familia Escobedo)

1. Philadelphia Eagles. Oh Donavan, we love you. When we don't hate you. Andy, you're a genius. When you're not the Worst Coach in the History of Organized Sport. And so it goes when you are a professional sports franchise in the City of Brotherly Love. Yes, they threw snowballs at Santa Claus. Yes, admitting he was one of the culprits once gained Ed Rendell votes when he ran for mayor and later governor. But we've said it before and we will say it again: there may be 65,000 fans booing the home team at a game in Philadelphia, but there are 65,000 fans booing the home team at a game in Philadelphia. These people are loyal. And very rarely is that loyalty rewarded on the field, court or ice. Good omen for the Birds: the last time the Phillies won the World Series, the Eagles made it to the Super Bowl. Here's hoping. For Mom, ya know. E-A-G-L-E-S -- EAGLES!

But how is it really going to go down? Our predictions:

WILD CARD GAMES

Cardinals over Falcons
Colts over Chargers
Ravens over Dolphins
Eagles over Vikings

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFF

Titans over Ravens
Panthers over Cardinals
Eagles over Giants
Steelers over Colts

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

Titans over Steelers
Eagles over Panthers

SUPER BOWL XLIII

Tennessee Titans over Philadelphia Eagles.

Until next time,
Paz