...while wondering what ever happened to Alan Ruck

Bill Belichick is an ass. Now, we've resisted this whole, "I hate Boston", thing because, well, we think it's just as stupid to hate a team for winning as it is to jump on their bandwagon and falsely claim a nonexistent lifelong love. The BoSox have some of the most loyal fans on the planet and deserve all the success they are enjoying now. Same thing for the Patriots. The C-Men? Well, we've always hated them -- has nothing to do with their resurgence. But c'mon! The 18-0 Patriots come out and get their ass handed to them by the New York Football Giants. There's confusion at the end and everyone thinks the game is over, when in reality there is a second left. Gotta run another play. As Belichick trots across the field, an NFL security guy catches him and you can actually read his lips as he says, "there's one second left." Belichick waves the guy off, continues toward opposing coach Tom Coughlin, does the perfuntory congratulatory handshake. We're ok with that. I mean, you lost and don't want to be embarrassed by turning around and doing it all over again in like 30 seconds. No worries; you go back to your sideline, run the play and head to the locker room. Nope! Belichick heads straight for the tunnel -- like a coward. That is probably the most classless thing we've seen since Snake Boy Thomas' 1991 walkout on the Bulls. If we had a Bitch of the Week award, we'd have to name it the Belechick award...On the other hand, New England's Junior Seau was in the locker room when he found out there was one second left on the clock. Dude trotted back out onto the sideline and took it like a man. Clearly his current coach was not his primary influence as regardfs sportsmanship...We didn't realize we held so much sway. We release our Presidential Primary edition and, two days later, two of the candidates we rated lowest, Edwards and Giuliani, drop out. Go figure...Speaking of presidents, Harry S. Truman has always been one of our heroes. The passing of his daughter Margaret last week brought to mind one of our favorite Truman tales. A fledgling singer, the first daughter gave a concert at Washington's Constitution Hall in 1950. The review in the Washington Post read, in part, "...Miss Truman is extremely attractive on the stage ... (but) cannot sing very well. She is flat a good deal of the time". The president read the review, whipped out some White House stationary and fired off the following letter to the reviewer, "I have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below." Classic. Ah Margaret, we barely knew ye...Our take on the Shaq to the desert deal? A win-win -- unless you're from Dallas, San Antonio, Houston, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Butte, Montana -- ok, maybe not Butte. Still, we've been saying for years that Shawn Marion needed to get out of Phoenix before either he or the Suns could maximize their potential. This deal gets him out of town, allows Miami to rebuild without completely bottoming out and, sadly, gives the the boys from Arizona the best chance they've ever had at winning a title.

Our Yahoo 4-Star Songs feature has been on sabbatical and, shockingly, people have asked why. Well, part of it is that we kind of forgot about it, but we also weren't sure how to proceed. Coming up with five quality songs every week that you haven't heard a gazillion times on the radio isn't as easy as it sounds. And if we just yank crap from the Billboard charts, what would be the point? So, in an effort to avoid that kind of watering down, we'll make this a monthly thing. This month, we offer a punk classic honoring New England's unbeat -- oops. Well, we'll play it anyway, followed by a superb remake, just in time for Valentine's Day. After that, retro rules the day, with the trifecta of a song containing a shoutout to the Sactterkid, a great grrrrrl band and one of the best songs we've heard in years. The percussion on "Impossible" is the shizna! Now, contrary to back in the day, when the video was synonymous with the song, these tunes are all ones we discovered first by hearing them. But we're a little limited by technology in our ability to bring them to you. In the end, finding a video on youtube is usually the easiest way to hyperlink it in. Now, many of the songs we like are never singles, so we end up with some random guy's basement tape-- which usually sucks. So give us some leeway here and focus on the music. We apologize in advance if the accomanying video is awful. Without further adiu, February's Yahoo 4-Star Songs:


5. Boston, not L.A. -- The Freeze -- This is Boston, Not L.A. -- 1982

4. How Deep is Your Love -- The Bird and the Bee -- Please Clap Your Hands -- 2007

3. Harmonicas & Tambourines -- Hot Hot Heat -- Happiness LTD -- 2007

2. Because I'm Awesome -- The Dollyrots -- Because I'm Awesome -- 2007

1. Impossible -- Shout Out Louds -- Our Ill Wills -- 2007

The Ferris Bueller award for this week goes to Kevin Hart, a 6-foot-5, 290-pound offensive lineman for Fernley High School, in Reno, Nevada. Hart called a press conference to announce his decision between accepting a scolarship from the University of Oregon or from the University of California. Sitting in a jam-packed gymnasium, amongst swarms of media, Hart looked at the table set up in front of him, two ballcaps sitting atop. After a dramatic pause, he picked up the blue one, put it on, stood up and smiled, announcing that he had selected Cal, due to his long conversations with head coach Jeff Tedford. With his high school coach and principal beaming, the entire student body cheering, Hart would be the first student from the school to ever attend a Division I college on an athletic scholarship. One problem -- dude was never recruited. By anyone. He made the whole thing up -- and was the front-page story on espn.com. This is greatness! Of course, there are idiots out there ranting about either a) this evil kid who must have broken a law here and needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, or b) this poor kid who must be so lost that he felt he needed to make this up. It's neither; it is simply one of the best pranks ever pulled. Our 17 year-old self would have killed to pull off something like that at our school. And we're neither criminal nor craz -- oops. Nevermind...Big props to SuperSleuth reader Ali, who tracked down both Paul Simon and Charles Nelson Riley dirt-nappin' it, the former in Springfield, Ill, the latter in L.A. (an assist to Billyrob for the preemptive Paul Lynde strike -- dead in L.A., burried in Ohio)...For an award we don't have, we sure have plenty of candidates this week. Bitch of the Week II would go to writer Carrie Jones, who's come out with a defense of sexless marriage. That there would make her immediately incompatible with us, but not necesarilly a bitch. No, where that comes in is in her book, Cutting Up Playgirl, in which she talks very frankly about how her libido has vanished in the course of her marriage. This happens. But then she elucidates her plan: while she has absolutely no intention of working on the problems in her marriage, she has resolved to remain celibate even though she and her husband share a bed. She plans to stay in the marriage until the children are grown, insisting on his faithfulness all the while, and then to leave her husband and seek sexual adventure. Nice. Of course, this only really works if hubby can't read...We're on record here in opposition to making convicted sex offenders register or live in designated areas, after their release. While we favor really long sentences and castration, we don't think it's fair to permanently mark someone as intrinsicly "bad". The residency thing has gotten particularly out of hand. The initial idea is understandable, if flawed: protect children by not letting sexual offensers live near schools. Or daycares. Or women's shelters. Or parks. Or movie theaters. Or -- you get the point. You end up with a map that looks like this. Well, in Miami, about twenty convicted sex offenders, frustrated by the difficulty of finding some place that would take them, banded together and formed their own village. Under the Julia Tuttle Causeway. Their digs under the bridge include a living room, kitchen, individual sleeping areas, a gym, and two dogs. In the thirteen months the men have been living there, none have been arrested for any crime. Thirteen of them have a regular job, but either cannot afford to live in the limited number of places that would take them, or cannot obtain reliable transportation to their jobs if they did. The ones who do not work take care of the camp. It is a peaceful, law-abiding community. So of course the state wants them to move. "We're urging them to find a residence. We want them to be able to reintegrate into society," said Gretl Plessinger, a spokeswoman for the Florida Corrections Department. Is that so? They work, pay taxes and leave everyone alone. Isn't that what you want?...One last note about the Hart story. We just love bandwagonners. Remember, this was totally made up -- the kid was not recruited by anyone. But immediately following his, "announcement", the Cal booster site went ablaze with comments like these: "1st DI player to come out of that high school? He must be a superstar at the school."; "I think this qualifies as a KABOOM."; "Yes, I have seen him play. He's pretty good. Has college size, good skills. Good addition for Cal."; "Sounds like a great young man with size and attitude!"; "I think Kevin Hart will be one hell of a sleeper recruit for Cal." I promise we don't make this stuff up. Classic...As an aside, I'd like to announce that skatterkid has decided to forgo her last three years of high school eligibility to accept the new Dallas WNBA team's contract tender to be their starting point guard. The press conference is at noon on Tuesday. Bring money for autographs.
Until next time,
Paz

by the by: spellcheck is not working on blogger.com tonight so...