They say there are no atheists on a sinking boat. Apparently there are no capitalists, either. Funny how all-out, screw the next guy capitalism is all the rage, right up until the moment the house of cards begins to fall. Then it’s time for the government to come to the rescue. The very same people who have been screaming for “small government” suddenly want to drop $700 Billion on a bailout. That’s some serious coin. It looks like this: $700,000,000,000.00. And the best part? They don’t want to, “waste any time”, by putting in such foolish things like safeguards for this taxpayer money. They just want it done, immediately, no questions asked, because the Financial Experts say it must be done. These would be the very same financial experts who made all the decisions to get the economy right where it is. It’s interesting though, isn’t it? A month ago, the prospect of universal healthcare was derided from the right as outrageously expensive socialism. Seriously – that was the argument. And the federal government dropping seven-hundred-thousand-million to buy up a bunch of corporations isn’t? (yeah, seven-hundred-thousand-million – doesn’t sound any better that way, does it?) We think senator Jim Bunning (R), of Kentucky, put things best into perspective, when he said, “The only difference between what the (government) is doing right now and what Hugo Chavez does is that Hugo Chavez doesn’t put taxpayer money at risk when he takes over companies -- he just takes them.” We couldn’t have put it better ourselves. Now, our preference would be to say to hell with them all and let the economy run itself into the ground. We’ve never believed in unabashed capitalism and money means very little to us. So we’d have no problem with everyone being as broke as we are. Besides, we see the economy as an organic entity that by definition requires periodic corrections. Sometimes those corrections are drastic. Anyone who actually thinks the market wealth of the last ten years was legitimate, real wealth is an idiot. And they deserve to lose it. Face it – trickle down is bullshit. Real wages have fallen, not risen, during the excesses of the Bush era. Just like during the “Reagan Revolution”. Money created at the top does not trickle to the bottom. And we’re not saying it necessarily should. But please spare us the happy horseshit about how protecting the wealth of the rich is somehow going to make life better for the rest of us. Because when push comes to shove, a CEO is going to do the exact same thing we do when faced with a bill we cannot pay – he is going to duck it. Unfortunately, we didn’t purchase a home we could not afford, nor recklessly invest our life’s savings into the stock market. So sadly, there will be no government hand-out for us. Because, silly us, we thought an adjustable-rate mortgage meant that it could actually go up. So we didn’t buy a house. And equally foolishly, we thought that you invested money in the stock market, you had just as good a chance of losing it as you did doubling it. So we didn’t invest. So no windfall for us. But luckily, we do get to bail out all of the other irresponsible assholes around us. Yeay!...Now we realize that, just like the lead up to the Iraq War, there is such a groundswell here that no politician is going to have the ‘nads to stand up to any of this. Oh sure, there’ll be blistering speeches by Capital Hill (misspell intentional) windbags and a whole lot of righteous indignation by all, but in the end, this thing will get crammed in faster than a Spears girl at the Junior Prom. But unlike her, we won’t get a kiss when it’s all over…So this of course completely throws all of our analysis of the presidential race out the window. We were truly torn as to who we were going to endorse. In the primaries, we made a double endorsement: Hillary Clinton for the democrats and John McCain for the republicans. When McCain and Barack Obama won their respective nominations, we weren’t sure who to throw our support behind. There is a better than normal chance either guy doesn’t make it through his first term, with McCain’s age and the existence of Alabama, Kentucky and Mississippi. So in this case, we thought the choice of a running mate was particularly meaningful. So we were hoping that would push us one way or the other. Ummm, not so much. Joe Biden had to drop out of a presidential race once for getting caught plagiarizing a speech. And claiming degrees he did not actually earn. But now that doesn’t matter? He does, however bring much-needed experience to the democratic ticket. On the other side, we’re not exactly sure what Sarah Palin brings to the table. We admire her for carrying her child to term, even though she knew he was going to be born with Down’s syndrome. And she definitely will bring the radical right vote in. But wouldn’t these people have voted for McCain anyway? They weren’t going to vote for Obama. But on the other hand, Palin brings a credibility gap. It’s only been two weeks and already there have been several outright mistruths spoken by the candidate. The plane, it turns out, was not sold on eBay. And oh yeah, she initially did support the bridge. Palin’s very polished. She is a good, if nasal, public speaker. But she just seems a little disingenuous. All politicians lie to us. We get that. But to be tripped up on such simple lies -- ones that needn't even be told, makes us wonder what else she's not ready for. So this brings us back to the principals. Last week we were prepared to endorse John McCain for the presidency, with the primary motivators being our inherent fear of the Cult of Obama and the rationale that, with a predominantly-Democratic congress, some of McCain’s more distasteful proposals would never get through anyway. The events of last week have thrown all that out the window though. The initial reactions of the candidates to the financial happenings was pretty telling to us. John McCain said he would fire the head of the SEC, apparently not realizing that the president cannot do so. He also did a complete 180 in the course of two days from saying, “the fundamentals of the economy are sound” eighteen times in a single speech to supporting without further debate a $700 Million-Billion bailout. (still doesn’t sound any better). Obama said he wanted to meet with his financial advisors and get their opinions before making a statement. And while his ultimate decision was to go with the bailout, he wants safeguards included and has already said that, while expediency is important, getting it right is essential. Neither of these two men is going to solve this thing and we're all screwed nonetheless. But their initial reactions were telling. We’ve always liked individual Republicans but have feared them in packs. But now they have sold out their own principles. They are advocating the very definition of Big Government. And hell if we’ll support them running things after this payout goes through. We really don’t see any logical alternative to supporting Obama. The money won’t be there for the really expensive projects that scared us away before this week. And the Republican leadership of the last eight years has been an abject failure. Hard as we try, we can’t help but feel that what is going on right now is just one final money grab by the bastards that have been screwing us for damned-near a decade now…So there it is. We formally endorse Barack Obama for President of the United States. We're still a good bit leery of the guy and the Cindy McCain/Sarah Palin ticket has Barack and Joe beaten hands-down when it comes to hottieness. But we're not twelve anymore, so we have to vote on things other than that…Looks like dogs are stepping things up in their ongoing war against the tyranny of man. James Harris, 37, of Tama, Iowa was shot on the first day of pheasant season. He sustained 100-120 pellets in the calf, requiring four hours of surgery. The shooter was Fred Harris, James’ dog. Apparently, the group James Harris was hunting with shot a bird, and when he went to get it, he put his gun on the ground and crossed a fence. As he crossed the fence, his hunting dog stepped on the gun, tripping the trigger. Guess he won’t be feeding Fred any of that dry crap in a bag anymore…This just in from the Inflated Sense of Self-Importance Department: Rutgers women’s basketball coach C. Vivian Stringer recently said, “Let me tell you how serious this is ... God knows that I would love to win the national championship, and I have been in pursuit of this all of my life. But, if I were given the choice -- do you wish to speak to the world and really have an effect or a change and make people feel better, or to win a national championship, if I have to choose between the two -- I would take what happened last year because far more people paid attention and far more people were really and truly affected than a basketball game could ever have been." 1 – Most of the people reading this have no idea what the hell “happened”. 2 – It changed nothing. 3 – You coach women’s basketball. By definition, anything you ever do in your life will affect more people…This week’s You Have Got to Be Kidding Me Award goes to La Crosse County, Wisconsin County Supervisor Keith Belzer, who came up with a novel approach to solving jail overcrowding – releasing all of the female prisoners. That’s right, every female prisoner in LaCross County was released under the program. Why? Well, according to Belzer, women who are in jail are almost always there, “because of some kind of a relationship with a man.” Wow…Now, we'd want to spend the season stoned if we had to play in Miami or Memphis this upcoming NBA season too, but c'mon. Former Kansas Jayhawks (U-F'er, baby) teammates and Association rookies Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur were kicked out of the NBA Rookie Transition Program for being caught with marijuana in their room. That's smart, guys -- bring drugs to a program of seminars on how to manage money, handle the press and avoid trouble. Apparently they missed the first session, How to Hide Your Weed, presented by Josh Howard. Our guess is they were too high to find the meeting room...Hey George Michael. Just say no. And for God’s sake, please stay the hell out of public restrooms!
Until next time,
Paz
