...while wondering what ever happened to LaWanda Page

The NBA Preview Edition is still being tweaked, so we figured we’d throw something out there in the meantime. We’ll be dipping into the Fodder File to bring you the snippets of drivel that for whatever reason never made it to the Big Time. Our own little basement tapes -- our Songs in the Attic, if you will. (Wow -- whoever had 51 in the "How Many Words Until We're Assaulted With Yet Another Extremely Contrived Billy Reference?" pool -- you just won!)...On to the fodder. Some samplings: We always thought the dirtiest thing ever said on network television was, “Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night.” Well, we were wrong. How did we miss this? (Incidentally, while we liked that, nothing will EVER top our all-time favorite commercial)…E-mail of the FF comes from Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy, “My friend Ace had a really good theory about Kurt Warner's apparent resurgence: Yeah, he's 36 years old ... but those are Christian years. Warner never accumulated any of that smoking - drinking - partying wear-and-tear, so he's 36 on paper but maybe 27 or 28 physically. (As opposed to John Daly, who's 41 on paper but 235 years old physically.) It's like how boxers who spend extended stretches in jail are always described as a ‘young 35.’ So maybe Warner's comeback isn't as improbable as it seems.” …Another good e-mail stashed in the FF: "I'm stuck in a prison. I have a 350-pound cellmate who does terrible things to me. He doesn't do them frequently. No. It happens maybe once every six months or so. He holds off just long enough for me to hope things will be different, that it'll never happen again. I have a life sentence with no chance of parole. As does my 350-pound cellmate. And there are additional beds in this cell so God knows what's coming. I'm scared. Of course, I'm not really a prisoner. I lead a seemingly normal life with the exception that I'm a fan of Buffalo sports teams. Could I plead Buffalo-sports related insanity for murdering my dad -- he who bestowed this lifetime of hell upon me? I'm pleading for help. I just want it all to end."…New KCRoyals manager Trey Hillman has made the first addition to his coaching staff, naming as first base coach, former Pirate coach Rusty Kuntz. OK, we realize it’s probably pronounced “Koontz”, but damn…The LADodgers are talking about returning to the Los Angeles Colosseum for a game next season, to commemorate their first home on the Left Coast. The team celebrates 50 years in SoCal next season. Long live the Moon Shot!…This just in from the We Promise We Don’t Make This Shit Up department: Dude named Cevaughn Curtis Jr. broke into Arthur Williams' house in Gainesville, Florida at around 3 a.m. last Saturday morning. Curtis knocked on the door, asked to be let inside but Williams refused. Curtis then tried to force his way into the home. The 75-year-old retired taxi dispatcher, who's been legally blind for the past 61 years, opened fire on the intruder, hitting him in the neck. To paraphrase the great Al Johnson, it just ain’t your day if you can’t break into a house without getting shot by a blind guy…How come shit like this never happens to us on an elevator? It's not your father's Dial commercial…And closing out the Fodder File, we found this quiz on weird laws that we never had the motivation to follow through with in making something out of. So here it is. Amuse yourselves…In new news, the Georgia Supreme Court finally determined that receiving head shouldn’t cost you 20 years in jail. We (among many) ranted on the miscarriage of justice bestowed upon Genarlow Wilson who, when 17 years old, received consensual oral sex from a 15 year-old female classmate. Through the genius of Southern Logic, if he had banged her, it would have been cool, but since it was oral, he had committed felony child molestation and the straight-A, college-bound athlete was convicted and given the maximum sentence. But the fact that he was black and she white had nothing to do with it, of course. The law was subsequently changed and a judge agreed to free Wilson. So the State Attorney General appealed – then refused to let Wilson free pending a decision! Kid sits in jail another eight or nine months, until Friday, when the Supreme Court ruled that he should be freed, citing the change in law. Which is all well and good. But it was a 4-3 decision! What the hell? When released, Wilson was asked what he planned on doing with his life. He replied, “I want to go to college, become a lawyer then get elected to the United States Senate, so I can get my blow jobs in airport bathrooms and still keep my job and freedom.”...In a related story, the citizens of a small town in Louisiana have voted to secede from the state and join Georgia, prompting Governor-elect Bobby Jindal to issue the following statement: "Get to steppin', Jena!"
Until next time,
Paz



PS:Yes, we apologize for the Martin thing -- quite possibly our worst pun ever. Which is saying a LOT.
PPS: How come, when we type in "Michael Irvin mugshot", google images gives us this?