...while wondering what ever happened to Danny Manning

Hey OJ – that whole What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas thing? Yeah, that’s more like for when you accidentally make out with a trannie on the Strip or bang some skank in your hotel room. For when you jack some sports memorabilia at gunpoint? Not so much. But at least you got out on bail. Now you can look for the Real Armed Robbers…Yeah, we saw the VMA’s and we saw the whole Britney thing. (Fat? No. Drunkenly incoherent and out of shape? Yes) We hold her handlers accountable though. There’s no way they should have let her go on like that. But the part of the show that was most disturbing, aside from its overall suckiness, was its representation of the demise of the national intellect. When a sitcom begins to lose steam, it reverts to the lowest common denominator: sex and farting jokes. Because the writers have run out of intelligent things to say. Award shows are no different. In just twenty years, we’ve gone from Lionel Richie’s, “outrageous” night to Sarah Silverman’s vagina-mouth. (scroll halfway down the link) If you didn't see the show, it’s not really worth explaining. Trust us.…When female dogs argue, do they call each other, “girl”?… This just in from the What the Hell Did You Think Was Going to Happen department: Six year old Scott Warren, of Dallas, was killed by his pet dog, a pit bull. We heard the standard, “he was a loving, gentle little dog. We never saw a hint of aggression”, from the kid’s mom. Mom – it was a freaking pit bull! They have been bred for thousands of years to fight and kill. Regardless of how you raise the damned thing, it is going to attack someone at some point. While the mother won’t face the negligent homicide charges we’d favor, we rest a little better knowing she’ll not avoid the much-deserved guilt she’ll live with for the rest of her life…Which brings us to the Idiot of the Week, an anonymous poster to the Dallas Morning News who responded to the story of Scott’s killing with, “not all of them do that so we do not all have to get rid of them i have a 2 year old pit and a 4 year old daughter and this has not happened to me so everything is fine.” A) You are a dumbass. B) You are illiterate. C) No wonder you live in Dallas…Hear that sound? That would be the death knell sounding on Organized Labor. The UAW lost a strike. Last week, workers walked out of their plants, only to come slithering back a few days later, conceding just about everything management called for, in exchange for vague promises to, “review things at a later time”. This is the best thing to happen to United States workers since the construction of Giants Stadium. Some guy in Detroit gets paid $37.50 an hour to tighten the same screw 250 times a day – and he has the balls to go on strike?!?!? Well, screw him – and the inflated prices of everything made by him and people like him. Labor unions had their place once. In the day of child labor, slave wages and horrific workplace conditions. None of those exist now – in large part to the early work of labor unions. But they got too big. By definition, a labor union is not concerned with the long-term well being of the business its workers are in the employ of; it is interested in the short-term financial well being of those workers, and by extension, itself. There is a delicate balance in business between paying a fair wage and making enough profit to make the entity viable. Now, CEO’s making multimillion-dollar bonuses while laying people off – we’re not for that. But in a capitalistic economy, that’s part of the deal. You can’t have it both ways, folks. But what we’re talking about is a union bleeding a company dry then walking away from the carcass – through the broken lives of its workers. Take a drive through Northeastern Pennsylvania sometime. Look at all the ghost towns that disappeared because the mill closed down. Funny thing, I don’t recall seeing any labor leaders on the bread line. It’s time for Organized Labor to go. There are enough governmental agencies overlooking the workplace that there is no real threat of child labor or workplace danger beyond that which is inherent to any specific industry. Unions have succeeded in destroying any bonds of loyalty between worker and company. Pensions are unheard of. If you don’t like your job, talk to your boss about it. If that doesn't work, quit. It’s as easy as that. There is simply no place for labor unions in today’s workplace and we are thrilled to see one of the mightiest take a fall…Stud of the Week goes to Sampson Carr, 81, od Durham, NC., who single-handedly put a beat-down on two armed teeneagers who attempted to rob his hardware store. Said Carr, “well, he had the gun and I tried to get it from him. I didn't know whether it was loaded or not, so out of fear, we just tussled."…Good news on the uniform front (literally). The University of Kansas has decreed that the school's trajan font will be used on all of the university's uniforms, ridding the landscape of this forevermore. Call your bookie and bet the farm on it now. The Jayhawks will win it all in San Antonio. U-F'er, baby -- it can't be denied…And Temple University has updated its football uniforms, going to, “pants that are meant to echo those worn during the 1970-82 Wayne Hardin era.” Who the hell is Wayne Hardin? Temple has a football team??…From the Father Knows Best department, this, courtesy of The Philadelphia Inquirer: “A 13-year-old boy, who police found handcuffed and chained to a bed, was arrested a day later on charges of vandalism and attempted auto theft. The boy and some friends vandalized a couple of vehicles and tried to steal a car from a dealership in Philadelphia on Saturday, police said. A day earlier, police were called to the boy's home in the Frankford neighborhood and found him chained and handcuffed to a bed. The boy's father, Russell Fisher, told police he restrained the boy to keep him out of trouble. Police arrested Fisher, 42, on Friday night and charged him with unlawful restraint, false imprisonment, endangering the welfare and recklessly endangering another person.” But he was right!!!!!…And finally, we leave you with this: 19 year-old Ned Knowby dashed into a Darwin, Australia news stand, swiped a skin magazine and took off without paying. The security guard and stand owner Peter Cullip followed him to the mall’s public toilets and waited outside. For twenty minutes. Knowby came out of the restroom, “flushed and breathing heavily”. "He was pretty embarrassed," Cullip said. "We can only guess what he was doing in there."
Until next time,
Paz

ok, ok, if you must see the Sarah Silverman reference, here.
We told you it wasn't worth it. Quite possibly the worst monologue of all time.