...while wondering what ever happened to Shawn Kemp

So a “sports marketer” in San Diego claims to have provided Reggie Bush with $280,000 while the latter was playing for USC in 2005. Here we go again. So now the Trojans (hee-hee, I said Trojan) are facing forfeiture of games, loss of scholarships and the usual lists of potential sanctions. Nothing will happen to Bush. Now, let us preface all of this by saying that the following rant is not a result of Bush single-handedly killing our fantasy team this season with his poor performance, nor is it residual effect from the disdain we have for the other famous Bush. That being said, here’s how these situations need to be handled: Step one: allow college athletes to receive a modest stipend from the university. The schools make millions and by NCAA rules, no student-athlete may hold a job. While we see the loophole this closes, the truth of the matter is that while an athlete may be receiving a full scholarship, that scholarship does not include such basics as soap, razors and transportation to and from home between semesters. If a kid has to break the rules by accepting a bus ticket, hell, why not just accept cash outright? The system makes cheating a necessity for lower-income students. By paying them a stipend, you can avoid the slippery slope. The only ones who will cheat are the big cheaters who, presumably, are easier to catch. Step two: stop penalizing schools and kids playing on the teams that had nothing to do with cheating in past years. It makes no sense to take away scholarships and post-season births from a team full of players that were in high school at the time of an offense. How then, should sanctions go down? We’ll come back to that. Step three: Stop letting coaches break the rules and then skate away to another school to avoid the rap, while making players sit out a year if they want to do the same. Again, we have a solution for this. Step four: start holding the players accountable when the cheating is on their part. All of this can be accomplished by a few simple revisions to the rules. When a student-athlete signs for his scholarship and stipend, he or she also signs a promissory note stating that if they receive any unauthorized funds while playing, all of their accrued statistics will be negated and they will be made to repay the full amount received, which will be put back into the general academic scholarship fund. A standard clause will be added to NCAA coaching contracts whereby any coach who violates the rules will have any and all sanctions follow him or her, wherever they coach. The new school can either fire the coach or accept the sanctions. Any sanctions involving a ban from postseason play will immediately trigger free agency for all players on the affected team, whereby they can transfer to any school that will offer them a scholarship, with no sit-out period, unless they too were involved with the cheating, whereby their scholarship is immediately revoked and all other NCAA schools are prohibited from offering another. In addition to this, no sanctions shall outlast the last remaining player on a sanctioned team. If the offenses are discovered after all of the violators are gone, then it is not fair to penalize the innocent. If the violations involve university staff but not players, that official will lose their job and the other offenders will be penalized via the above-mentioned clauses. Step five: separate financial and competitive advantage violations. Just because a guy took cash, don’t take away a national championship or Heisman trophy. Conversely, if a team illegally recruits a guy, financial sanctions are not the way to go – take away the fruits of the deed. These changes are the only way to bring any semblance of credibility to the system…We’re torn here when it comes to the MLB playoffs. In the American League, it’s pretty cut and dry: we want the Tribe to win. But over in the NL, what we like to call the Expansion Bowl has us in a quandary. While U-F-er would clearly show Arizona the winner of this series – and we so love to be proven right – as Cleveland Browns fans, seeing the Cleveland Indians beat the (Denver) Colorado Rockies in the Big Dance holds a certain sick appeal. Particularly if it is in a heart-wrenching, extra-inning kind of thing. With a long “drive” to right-center field. And perhaps even a dropped fly ball – a “fumble”, if you will…This item will really only be of any interest – or make any sense to – our Dallas readers. ENOUGH with Carter Albrecht! Back story: mediocre local musician gets drunk, puts a beat-down on his girlfriend, then gets gunned down trying to break into his neighbor’s house. And the flood of sympathy has been ridiculous! It was nauseating for the first week or so, then finally died down. Now there is going to be a Carter Albrecht Memorial Fund Concert. Give me a break! If this guy was a black rapper from South Dallas the story would be how the hip-hop culture is spewing forth violent hood rats. But make it a white guy from North Dallas and it turns into, “awww, he must have had a bad reaction to the patch”. Yes, we’re serious. They are actually trying to blame his actions on a nicotine patch, despite the fact that there is not a single case like that on file. Anywhere…Idiot of the Week goes to Rick Salomon, who was apparently up $250,000 in a poker game with Pamela Anderson. Dude traded in the debt for a kiss. For $250k, that bitch is at least cleaning our apartment…The Dallas Cowboys lost their first game this week. Coincidentally, Terrell Owens said this week that he does not feel he is involved enough in the team’s offense. In a related story, the sun rose in the East this morning…So Jacob Allen goes hiking with his parents and goes missing. He’s autistic! What the hell are his parents doing hiking in the freaking woods with him?!?...Chuck E. Cheese has agreed to limit its food advertising, in an effort to help prevent obesity in children. Yeah, because parents can’t do that, can they?...That’s all we’ve got this week. Coming up next, the NBA Preview Edition!
Until then,
Paz