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It’s all about Kobe. But then again, it always is. But this season, Kobe has more say than ever about where the Larry O’Brien Trophy will reside, come June of ’08. Put him in Chicago, Dallas, Phoenix or Detroit and they win a ring – no doubt about it. Put him anywhere else and you have an instant contender, a team strong enough to throw a wrench in everyone’s bracket. With Chris Webber waiting to see how things shake out and Juwon Howard – and possibly even Antoine Walker – about to be cut loose by the Timberwolves, the winning suitor may be in for a windfall of signings. But maybe not. The main problem with Kobe is that he’s Kobe. He is selfish, immature and obnoxious. Always will be. His primary complaint with the Lakers is that they are not surrounding him with enough talent. Problem is, nobody wants to play with him. The instant Kevin Garnett was traded to the Celtics, Danny Ainge’s phone started ringing off the hook with agents trying to get their guys to Boston. Same thing happens every year in Phoenix, with Steve Nash and, to a lesser extent, Dallas with Dirk Nowitzki. Guys will take less money just to play with those guys. There has not been a single free agency acquisition in LALand since the departure of Shaquille O’Neal. They kept the wrong guy. While Kobe Bryant is perhaps the most talented player in the league, Shaq was, is and forever shall be the most irreplaceable player in the league. And whereas the Lakers are worse off now than they were the day they traded Shaq, in three years, this team will be better than they are today with Kobe…Another storyline that could have ripple effects in the coming years is the number of guys eligible for extensions that have not yet signed. The list includes Andre Iguodala, Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, and Hakim Warrick…Our dark horse team this season was to have been the Charlotte Bobcats. Then they lost both Sean May and Adam Morrison. We’re that good. We can torpedo a squad before they even set foot on the court...Our guess is that Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor is hot on the trail of the negatives Kevin McHale's been lording over him all these years so, in a preemptive strike, 'ole Frankenstein made that sweetheart deal with the C-Men, so he'll have a comfy landing place when he's booted from the Land 'o Lakes.
On to the Annual Pre-Season Awards and Useless Predictions:
First coach to be fired: Maurice Cheeks, Philadelphia 76’ers -- In the first season AAI (After A.I.), the team will be younger, less experienced and more mistake-prone than a squad that was pretty bad last season. Who better to coach in that situation than The Greatest Basketball Mind of Our Time? The fact that he’s already the Sixers’ VP of Basketball Operations doesn’t hurt, either.
Don't be shocked if it's: Snake Boy Thomas, New York Knicks. If they start slow, Jim Dolan will not hesitate to pull the trigger on Isaiah. The only reason he hasn’t yet, despite the extension he gave Thomas last season, is because if he did it, it could affect the appeal of the sexual harassment suit they just lost. If the team stumbles early, that will give Dolan the excuse he needs.
Last year's pick: Bob Hill, Seattle SuperSonics – Who miraculously made it through the 31-51 season. Then got axed.
Breakout season coming from: Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors – Nice game, solid fundamentals and has had time to shake off the cultural changes. We expect big things from him this season.
Don't be shocked if it's: Devin Harris, Dallas Mavericks – Long-term deal and starting job in hand, this is the season we see if he’ll be a top-flight point guard in this league.
Last year's pick: Gerald Wallace, Charlotte Bobcats – Yeah, about that…
We give up on: Darko Milicic, Memphis Grizzlies – OK, we were wrong. But so was everyone else who thought this guy was going to be a stud. It just took us a year or three longer to come to our senses.
Last year's pick: Jim Jackson, most recently of the Los Angeles Lakers – One of our faves has finally faded into the great beyond of involuntary retirement.
We still say he's a star-in-the-making: Andre Iguodala, Philadelphia 76’ers – Put him on a team with talent and he’s a monster.
Last year's pick: Gordon Giricek, Utah Jazz – Yeah, about that…
Best off season, team: Boston Celtics – Irrelevant for decades, overshadowed by the banners of the Patriots and Red Sox, plagued by the mismanagement of Danny Ainge, this franchise was a shadow of its former self. Then they picked up Ray Allen. Then Kevin Garnett. While Ray-Ray and Ticket won’t deliver a ring just yet, the Boston Celtics matter again.
Last year's pick: Toronto Raptors – Who went on to the best season in franchise history, in their first year under Bryan Colangelo’s management.
Worst off season, team: New York Knicks – Their owner and coach were found guilty of sexual harassment, their two best players are the legally-insane Steve Francis and Zach Randolph and Kevin Garnett just joined a division opponent.
Last year's pick: New York Knicks – They got rid of The Greatest Basketball Mind of Our Time. And we told you what would happen.
Best off season, fans: Boston Celtics -- For all the aforementioned reasons. It really can't be understated how great this off season was for Boston. One of the five truly passionate sports cites gets their professional basketball franchise back. (The other four are Philadelphia, Chicago, New York and Cleveland)
Last year's pick: Golden State Warriors – Who were led by Don Nelson to their first postseason birth in 13 years and an opening round smackdown of the best team in the league.
Worst off season, fans: Seattle SuperSonics – First Ray-Ray gets traded for Wally the Waterboy, Delonte West and Jeff Green. Then it is virtually assured that the team will be moving to Oklahoma City by next season. Oh yeah, they also lost Rashard Lewis, replacing him with 397 year-old Kurt Thomas. And to coach this mess? P.J. Carlesimo.
Last year's pick: New York Knicks – We love LB that much.
Best off season trade: The Boston Celtics acquiring Kevin Garnett, without having to part with Paul Pierce or Ray Allen.
Worst offseason trade: Golden State dealing Jason Richardson to the Bobcats for the draft rights to Brandan Wright. What were they thinking?
Sam Cassell Award for he who will bitch the loudest this season about the contract he voluntarily signed: Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns -- We saw signs of his growing discontent three years ago and it has not gotten better since. They need to move this guy quick, before he kills their locker room.
Last year's pick: Latrell Sprewell – who ended up not being signed by anyone.
Shawn Bradley Award for most undeserved contract given to a free agent: Calvin Booth, Philadelphia 76’ers. $5M over two years gets you 3.5ppg, 2.9rpg and 1.03bpg. Said the aparently stoned GM Billy King, “He’s been proven”. Yeah, to suck.
Last year's pick: Adonal Foyle, Golden State Warriors – Who has since been bought out. He subsequently signed with the Orlando Magic.
Tyron Lue Award for he who will turn three good playoff games into a ridiculous long-term contract: Jason Kopono, Miami Heat – Who scored $25M over five years in Toronto. But those are Canadian dollars. Oh, wait, their dollars are worth as much as ours now.
Last Year’s Pick: Damon Jones, Miami Heat to Cleveland Cavaliers – Who cashed in – and checked out.
Penny Hardaway Award for most overrated player in the NBA: Luol Deng, Chicago Bulls – This is the guy that’s a deal-breaker in any potential Kobe trade? You’ve got to be kidding us.
Last year's pick: Andre Kirelenko, Utah Jazz – who went on to lead them to a Cinderella season. We still say Kirelenko is Russian for, “soft” though.
Fashion Award – Atlanta Hawks, by default. Their redesign from this to this, while still an improvement over this, looks like what you would get if you went to the local sporting goods store and said, “I have $500 with which to outfit my intramural rec league team. Make us something nice.” Clean lines, red, white and blue color scheme. Nothing flashy. Nothing to get excited about either. Other than U-F-er. Though we are glad they got rid of this, which looked just a little too much like this, in favor of this, even though it too looks like it was designed down at Oshman's.
Last year’s pick: Thank goodness for the addition of the vertical stripe to the uniforms of the NBA Referees. Had they stayed with this, we would have been forced to reward the Milwaukee Bucks for changing from this to this. Blech!
All-Jobless Team, as of 29 October:
PG – Rafael Araujo
SG – Aaron McKie
SF – Chris Webber
PF – P.J. Brown
C – Danny Fortson
Sixth Man: Jalen Rose
Coach: The Greatest Basketball Mind of Our Time
Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant, Seattle SuperSonics
Don't be shocked if it's: Al Horford, Atlanta Hawks
Last year's pick: LaMarcus Aldridge, Portland Trail Blazers – who promptly got hurt.
And the Number One pick in the 2008 NBA Draft belongs to: The Minesota Timberwolves. Repeatedly gutted all postseason,what's left is garbage.
Last year's pick: Seattle SuperSonics.
Where they stand at the start of the season, our initial Power Rankings:
30 Minnesota Timberwolves – Will struggle to compete against NBA teams.
29 Seattle SuperSonics – Lame duck season will be long, painful.
28 Philadelphia 76’ers – Circling the drain until LB comes. Even then, no playoffs.
27 Sacramento Kings – At least they’re getting a new arena.
26 Charlotte Bobcats – Losing May and Morrison ends dreams of first postseason.
25 Los Angeles Clippers – Without Elton Brand, they go nowhere.
24 Indiana Pacers – Not enough talent on the floor or at coach to compete.
23 New York Knicks – When will they Blow This Team Up and start over?
22 Portland Trail Blazers – Oden injury hurts, but still a playoff darkhorse.
21 Los Angeles Lakers – With Kobe it is a zoo; without Kobe, a mess. Pick your poison, Phil.
20 Memphis Grizzlies – Will miss the playoffs because of division matchups alone.
19 Milwaukee Bucks – Ugly unis, unenthused #1 pick, and they must live in Milwaukee.
18 Washington Wizards – Agent Zero and the scrubs. One and done, if that.
17 Atlanta Hawks – Playoff drought ends here. Yes, we’re serious.
16 New Jersey Nets – If healthy, they’re here, if not, in the deep 20’s.
15 Miami Heat – Pat Riley saved their season with his last-minute dealings.
14 Golden State Warriors – Will less injuries this season be offset by loss of J-Rich?
13 New Orleans Hornets – Leaving OKC will hurt. Can Peja’s return compensate?
12 Toronto Raptors – If the Bosh injury lingers, they’re toast.
11 Denver Nuggets – Is this the year they get it together?
10 Cleveland Cavaliers – Still King James and the court jesters. They’ll slip this season.
09 Orland Magic – Great offseason will be rewarded with division crown.
08 Utah Jazz – Turbulent locker room will be managed by Jerry Sloan
07 Detroit Pistons – It’s now or never. With Flip at the helm, our guess is never.
06 Boston Celtics – Don’t believe the hype. Unless ‘Toine, Juwon and CWebb sign.
05 Chicago Bulls – Contender without Kobe, champions with him.
04 Houston Rockets – Their strongest team in years. Can they win in the playoffs?
03 Phoenix Suns – Shawn Marion could single-handedly kill this team,
02 Dallas Mavericks – After last year's playoffs, nothing they do matters until May.
01 San Antonio Spurs – They never win two in a row. Or do they?
And finally, our annual Useless Playoff Predictions:
EAST:
Division Champions: Orlando Magic, Chicago Bulls, Boston Celtics
Should get in: Toronto Raptors, Detroit Pistons, Cleveland Cavaliers
The scrum: Atlanta Hawks, Washington Wizards, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets
Give the slots to: Atlanta and Miami
Round One:
(1) Chicago over (8) Atlanta
(2) Boston over (7) Miami
(6) Toronto over (3) Cleveland
(4) Orlando over (5) Detroit
Conference Semifinals:
Chicago over Orlando
Boston over Toronto
Conference Finals:
Chicago Bulls over Boston Celtics
WEST:
Division Champions: San Antonio Spurs, Denver Nuggets, Phoenix Suns
Should get in: Houston Rockets, Dallas Mavericks, Utah Jazz
The scrum: New Orleans Hornets, Memphis Grizzlies, Golden State Warriors, Portland Trail Blazers, Los Angeles Lakers.
Give the slots to: New Orleans and Golden State.
Round One:
(1) San Antonio over (8) Golden State
(2) Dallas over (7) New Orleans
(3) Phoenix over (6) Denver
(4) Houston over (5) Utah
Conference Semifinals:
San Antonio over Houston
Dallas over Phoenix
Conference Finals:
Dallas Mavericks over San Antonio Spurs
Your 2007-2008 NBA Champions: The Dallas Mavericks (Over Chicago, in 7)
30 teams...82 games...236,160 minutes of pure roundball bliss!
Life is good
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