...while wondering what ever happened to Harold Baines

The matchup I have been dreaming of my whole life. C'mon, tell me you aren't even a little excited about the possibility of "throwback night" at the World Series where we get two teams coming out onto the field dressed like this and this...Fandom gone awry has struck again, this time in Oklahoma City, where a guy named Eric Torpy was convicted this week on charges of shooting with intent to kill and robbery. He was sentenced to 30 years. However, being a Larry Bird fan, he asked if his sentence could be extended to match the hairlip's jersey number. No problem, said Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott. 33 years it is. Moral of the story: if you're ever convicted of a crime in OKC, claim to absolutely love Orlando Woolridge ...We've been gone for a few weeks, attending to our actual occupation, so this one is a bit dated. Still, we can't let it go, because some things are so stupid, so offensive, so indescribably whack that we just can't help relating them. William Bennet is an educated man. He has a PhD from the University of Texas. He is a former chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts and Drug Czar, serving under Presidents Reagan and GHW Bush. He was the Secretary of Education from 1985-1988. We are not dealing with a mental midget here. Yet here is what he recently said on the radio: "If you wanted to reduce crime you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." There is just nothing to say to that...As if that were not bad enough, Sylvester Stallone has confirmed that a deal is in place for the filming of Rocky VI. On the upside, Mr. T reprising his Clubber Lang role can only be pure, unintentional comedy...As for some quite intentional comedy, the University of Iowa, it turns out, has for some years had the visitors' locker room decked out in pink. I mean everything is pink. Carpet, lockers, tiles, urinals. All of it. Pretty funny stuff, so of course someone has to be offended. Enter the school's Gay and Lesbian Alliance, who claims the pink restrooms are offensive to homosexuals. Huh? Seems to me like the GLA's the one making the mental leap from pink tiles to frollicing in the shower...News update: the guy who impersonated Ben Rothlisberger to pick up chicks pleaded out to a mistemeanor and was sentenced to community service and probation. The civil suit is still pending...A rat attacked the visiting dugout in Oakland on the last weekend of the season, finally answering the questions of millions: where did all the rhodents from the Vet go when it was imploded? Now we know how long it takes to cross the country on four legs...Another donor: Terrell Owens auctioned off his NFC title ring and donated the proceeds to Katrina Relief...Congratulations to SMU who, in beating TCU, scored their first victory over a ranked team since their Death Penalty smackdown of 1986...For those shocked to see the White Sox in the World Series, bear in mind that only the Braves, BoSox and Yankees have longer current streaks of consecutive winning seasons...As for the Series itself, we're picking Houston, in 6. The complete games were impressive, but now Chicago's bullpen has been idle for a wek and a half. Look for Houston to steal one in ChiTown, win 2 of 3 in Minute Maid and finish it in Chicago. The White Sox are a great small-ball team, but Houston's yard is built to perfection for the bashers in the Astro lineup. Add to that the experience factor and the boys from Texas get our nod. Which of course means they should start preparing for a parade on the South Side...And finally, in an online vote of NFL fans, the Dallas Cowboys were selected as having the best uniforms. The worst? My Cleveland Browns. There's no accounting for taste...Until next time,
Paz

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