...while wondering what ever happened to Jimmy Hoffa

This week's winner of the "Government Gone Awry" award has to be my beloved Garden State, where lawmakers are trying to push through a law making it illegal to smoke -- in your personal vehicle -- even when driving alone -- with the windows rolled up...The MLB trading deadline has passed and not much happened other than (shock!) the Yankees stole a pitcher from the cellar-dwelling Rockies. Out on the other coast, the San Diego Padres failed for the third time to deal away Phil Nevin. Deals with Milwaukee, Detroit and, most recently, Cincinnati all fell through because Nevin invoked his limited no-trade clause, which bars San Diego from dealing him to eight predetermined teams. Hmm. 30 MLB teams, with San Diego being one. That leaves 29. Take away eight and my math says that leaves 21 potential dance partners. Here's a thought: if you want to get rid of the guy, start by calling the 21, not the eight...The sports gods are testing me. LB in the Apple? Working with Snake Boy Thomas? Not since The Greatest Baksetball Mind of Our Time was paired with the much-hated Reggie Miller were we faced with such a dillema. First we had to swallow and wish the Metropolitains well with new manager Willie Randolf. But I just don't know if I can bring myself to rooting for the Knicks. Eww...Hands-down winner for best commercial of the year has got to be Target's new back-to-school ads featuring the spoof of Baby Got Back. (I like back-packs and I cannot lie, with a celphone pocket on the side -- baby I'm back --- at school and it's been a little while...) Classic...Did you catch Steven Bochco's new Iraq war drama, Over There, on FX the other night? If you didn't, be glad. Aw-ful. Every canned character ever written: loud screamer of a Sergeant, scared shitless new guy; you get the picture. And the battle scenes, while gory, are inaccurate in a glaring way: the US flag shoulder patches on the soldiers' BDUs are similarly comoflouged in real life. On the show, they are not. No wonder they all get killed on the show. They have red, white and blue bullseyes on their shoulders...Continuing with the multimedia portion of our program, this week's recommended flic is Must Love Dogs. I went to the premier in LA a few weeks ago, as the token straight male without a date at a chick flic, but I gotta tell ya, it's more than that. I'm partial to John Cusack movies anyway, but this is a well-written, superbly performed movie. The supporting cast is solid, with fleshed-out character development. The language is pretty clean and the humor is intelligent...As we make the turn to the final stretch, it's time to make useless Major League Playoff predictions. In the National League, the West-leading Padres have all the makings of an unravelling. The problem -- or for them, benefit -- is, no one else looks capable of winning the division either. Arizona will fade, Colorado is hopeless and the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles have made late-season chokes an art form. Could San Francisco pull it out? It wouldn't shock me, but, for lack of a better choice, I'm still giving it to the monks. The Central race is over, with the StL repeating, in a walk. Back east, it's a mess. All four teams are in the race, none of them want it and NONE of them deserve it. The Mets have Wille, but we hate all things NYC. We grew up a Phillies phan, but let's face it, by definition that makes them losers. God doesn't care who wins baseball games, but Satan does, thus explaining the Expos spending most of theur inaugural Washington season in first place. Still, they are fading. As much as we hate it, it looks like number 14 for the Atlanta Braves. In the AL West, the Los Angeles Angels of Katella & College in Anaheim, California, United States, North America, Western Hemisphere, Earth are fending off a stiff challenge from the Oakland Athletics and a not-so stiff one from down Tejas way. As much as we would love to see Billy Beane stick it to the establishment, they're still a year away. Give it to LAoK&CiACUSNAWHE. The Central was grabbed early by the ChiSox and they have not let go. They'll ride it through to a division title. The East will go down to the end. While the Empire and BoSox slug it out atop the division, Baltimore and Toronto are circling. While we'd love to see Canada trump New York (no pun intended), 'taint gonna happen. The O's won't rack up enough w's, so that leaves it where we left off last year. This time Boston wins. Houston and Minnesota win the Wild Cards...I'm slowly -- yet still reluctantly -- coming to terms with Michael Finley being Dallas' "Alan Houston Rule" casualty, but trading him to New York for Penny Freaking Hardaway!?!?! I'd rather have 'Lil Penny! LB tried to trade for Fin in each of his last three stops. Fourth time's a charm...Hey Raffy -- Just Say No...You've got to love our government. After the attacks of September 11th, they poured billions of dollars into improving airline safety. Obviously, this is a good thing. Problem is, they've put nearly nothing into securing nuclear power plants which, by definition, are near population centers. Now they have, however changed the scenarios which a nuclear site's security team must be able to defend against. They upped the number of theoretical attackers to twenty, because that's how many hijackers there were on September 11th. (and surely that must now be the magic number) But they've not allowed for the possibility of laser-guided portable missles and such because, according to the head of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, "terrorists haven't been known to use weapons like those." Hmm. If I recall correctly, up until September 10, 2001, the idea of using airplanes as projectiles would have been pretty novel as well. Luckilly, it gets better though. The agency now has fake "commandos" raiding plants to test security. English security firm Wackenhut is the company running the fake raids. Of course Wackenhut also supplies to 40% of the sites the very security that will be tested. Don't worry about a potential conflict of interest though. There is no potential about it. In 1998 Wackenhut officials tipped off their security teams to upcoming raids. So to sum it up, a non-US-owned security firm that has cheated in the past is being entrusted with the protection of almost half of US nuclear sites and oversight of all of them. They have been given mere millions more in funding than before September 11th, and on top of it all are following extremely narrow guidelines of preparedness. Good thing terrorists follow the rules, or we'd be in trouble...Still waiting for a single WMD to be found...until next time,

Paz

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